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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29298600">Sky Full of Stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eden1234/pseuds/Eden1234'>Eden1234</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Wilds (TV 2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, Multi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:06:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>27,563</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29298600</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eden1234/pseuds/Eden1234</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Toni is wary of the new girl in town. It doesn't take long for Toni to realise that some people contain multitudes.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Regan/Toni Shalifoe, Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>270</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Red Solo Cup</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni pulled her basketball shirt over her head and stuffed it into her sports bag. Martha's mom had sewn her initials into the side. Toni's fingers slid over it, a small smile pulling at her lips. She'd never had somebody do something like that for her before.</p><p>"Great game Shalifoe!" Lauren whooped, patting Toni on the shoulder as she headed out before spinning and pretending to shoot a hoop.</p><p>"Couldn't have done it without that defense!" Toni shouted after her.</p><p>"Yeah good game Toni," Grace smiled sweetly, awkwardly scooting towards the exit of the changing room. She was the only freshman on the team and Toni knew she felt a little crowded out.</p><p>"Hey Grace," Toni said, finishing up getting changed and pulling her bag over her shoulder, "wait up!"</p><p>Grace hovered at the door, falling into line with Toni as she caught up. </p><p>"You played super well today," Toni said, trying to make the younger girl feel at ease.</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>Toni spotted Martha's mom in the parking lot. Martha was in the front passenger seat, waving frantically. </p><p>"See you at practice!" </p><p>Toni sprinted off towards the car. Mrs Blackburn got out to open the trunk so Toni could throw her bag inside.</p><p>"Nice play today Toni," Martha's mom smiled warmly. Toni felt her cheeks flush. None of her foster parents had ever bothered to even come to one of her games, never mind tell her she'd done a good job.</p><p>"Thanks Mrs Blackburn," Toni said, scooting into the back seat.</p><p>"Toni you were sooo good today!" Martha grinned, her round face looking over the seat at her.</p><p>"Thanks Marty, it was good to have you there," Toni chuckled.</p><p>"Sam invited us to a party," Martha continued, "this weekend, Mom can we go?"</p><p>"Hmm," Mrs Blackburn pondered, "I don't know Martha, high school parties can get a bit…"</p><p>"Don't worry Mrs Blackburn, I'll make sure we get back home by 11," Toni cut in. She knew how protective Martha's mom was of Martha, especially after all the crap that they'd gone through recently with Martha's old doctor. It made Toni angry just thinking about it.</p><p>Mrs Blackburn caught Toni's eye in the rear view mirror. She raised her eyebrows but nodded slightly.</p><p>"OK, you can go, but back by 11, no exception."</p><p>"Ah thanks Mom!" Martha squealed excitedly, "Toni you need to meet the new girl! She's so fun!"</p><p>"New girl?" </p><p>Last time there'd been a new girl at the school Toni had fallen for her and ruined everything. She didn't really get why Martha was getting so excited about another one.</p><p>"Yes, she's from Texas, she was in math class when Sam was asking everybody, she seems real nice."</p><p>Toni knew Regan was in Martha's math class.</p><p>"Is Regan coming?" she asked, trying to keep the inflection from her voice. She didn't hide it very well.</p><p>"I think so," Martha said, the smile dropping from her face, "but we can still have fun Toni, even if she is there."</p><p>Toni hadn't spoken to Regan since she'd smashed her car window two weeks ago. They'd seen each other at school but every time Toni had mustered the courage to speak to her Regan had mysteriously vanished. Toni pulled her jacket tighter around her and sat back, head against the headrest. She couldn't sulk about it forever. Maybe a party was just what she needed.</p><p>//</p><p>"Marty, you look great, come on, we're going to be late," Toni groaned, exasperated.</p><p>Martha had been trying on various different outfits and was surrounded by a pile of discarded clothes. This was her first high school party and Toni understood she was nervous and wanted to fit in. After the fifth top though Toni was starting to get impatient.</p><p>"You think so?" Martha asked, looking down at the floral top she was wearing and then back up at Toni through the mirror.</p><p>"Yeah," Toni nodded reassuringly. Toni had her hair up in a ponytail and had gone as far as to wear her favourite t-shirt. She wasn't one for putting in effort for these events and besides, she didn't own any clothes other than casual stuff and sportswear. </p><p>"OK, let's just go before I change my mind."</p><p>Mrs Blackburn drove the girls to Sam's house. Martha and Sam went way back, almost as far as Toni and Martha themselves, but Sam rarely spoke to Martha now that she was part of the pretty girls at school. Toni knew Martha pined to be part of that group and to get all the boys' attention. Toni couldn't care less. It had been nice for Sam to invite them nonetheless.</p><p>"Home by 11, go have fun," Martha's mom said, ushering the girls out of the car. Toni was sure she caught a warning look from her as she did so.</p><p>Martha led the way up to the front door. There was no need to knock. It was flung open with some of the kids from school already hanging round the entrance, red solo cups in hand.</p><p>They pushed their way past, heading towards the kitchen. </p><p>"Toni!" </p><p>Toni spun to see Lauren waving at her from across the room. Toni smiled at her, pointing at the punch bowl signalling she was just getting a drink. Lauren grinned, raising her own solo cup in solidarity.</p><p>Toni poured some punch into a cup and then made one for Martha. She turned round, cups in hand, and approached the fridge. </p><p>"Has anybody ever told you that you have the most drop dead gorgeous eyes?" </p><p>Toni watched as Martha blushed. She pushed the cup into Martha's hand.</p><p>"Toni!" Martha smiled, cheeks still flushed, "this is Shelby!"</p><p>"What the fuck are you wearing?" Toni remarked, looking up and down at the new girl. The girl blinked, clearly affronted. Toni was well within her rights. The girl was barely clothed, her stomach and chest exposed in a tank top.</p><p>"I didn't count on Minnesota being so cold," she eventually retorted.</p><p>Toni stared at the girl. Something about her made her bristle.</p><p>"Martha, I'm going to find Lauren, come find me when you're done."</p><p>"Toni, you don't need to be rude."</p><p>But Toni had already stalked off, leaving Martha to carry on with her new best friend.</p><p>//</p><p>"She's got a bee in her bonnet," Shelby smiled, trying to keep the conversation light. The last thing she wanted to do was make enemies in this new town.</p><p>"That's just Toni," Martha shrugged, "do you want a drink?"</p><p>"Oh no," Shelby shook her head, "I don't drink."</p><p>Martha stared at her. Shelby felt a little uncomfortable as her fingers fiddled with her necklace.</p><p>"My dad, if he found out, it took me enough to convince him to let me come to this but I guess he just wanted me to make some friends."</p><p>"Oh," Martha smiled, instantly warming to Shelby and making Shelby feel better in return, "then let me introduce you to some people."</p><p>Martha guided Shelby through the house, introducing her to various people as she went. Some of the boys stared at her as she walked past. She tried to own it, puffing her chest out, but Lord knew she felt really uncomfortable under their gaze. She wished she'd worn a less revealing shirt. </p><p>Eventually Martha pulled up next to a group of athletic looking girls.</p><p>"And this is the basketball team, you've met Toni."</p><p>Shelby decided not to cave beneath Toni's glare. Whatever the girl's problem was with her she wanted no part of it. She smiled at the rest of the girls.</p><p>"Shelby, right?" </p><p>"Yeah."</p><p>Shelby took one of the girl's outstretched hands. She was skinny with thick curly red hair and green piercing eyes. Shelby felt her breath catch a little in her throat. </p><p>"I like your shirt," the girl said.</p><p>Shelby chuckled, looking down at herself. Her smile was cut short as she looked up and caught Toni's unwavering stare. </p><p>"Yeah, real nice," Toni said, an eyebrow raised sarcastically. Shelby wanted to say something back but noticed Toni was staring past her now, oblivious to her. Shelby turned round.</p><p>Another girl had just entered the room. She had long dark hair and was wearing a hat. Shelby was impressed by her eyeliner. She turned back round to see Toni hissing at Martha.</p><p>"Marty, we need to go, I can't."</p><p>"Toni, don't be silly, she's not going to come over here."</p><p>"Who is she?" Shelby asked, looking between Martha and Toni, a bit confused. She noticed the red haired girl catch her eye and shake her head at her. Shelby bit her lip, feeling like she'd put her foot in it.</p><p>"Nobody," Toni spat at her. This girl really had some issues. </p><p>"Marty, please."</p><p>Shelby decided to take the lead. As much as this Toni girl gave her the cold shoulder she was clearly desperate to get out of there.</p><p>"Hey, I need the bathroom, can you show me where it is?"</p><p>Toni glared at her, but Shelby could see that the offer to get away was enough.</p><p>"Sure," Toni relented and walked off. Shelby followed.</p><p>//</p><p>"There you go." </p><p>Toni stopped outside the bathroom door. She tried the handle but it was locked. She heard giggling inside before the door was pulled open and Sam spilled out with Simon in tow. Toni rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Do you not have a bedroom for that shit?" she asked.</p><p>"Don't be bitter Shalifoe," Sam smirked back, dragging Simon back downstairs. Toni folded her arms and turned her attention to Shelby.</p><p>"Go on then princess."</p><p>"You know, I'm not just some prissy pageant princess, God knows you could lighten up on me, we've only just met."</p><p>Toni glared at Shelby as she disappeared inside the bathroom. She didn't know why this new girl got so under her skin. Maybe it was the fact that she obviously came from money with that perfect blonde hair and expertly manicured nails. Or how she so easily worked the room and clearly had Martha hung on her every word. Perhaps it was just that stupid shirt.</p><p>Shelby seemed surprised to find Toni waiting for her once she'd finished.</p><p>"So, I bet you were prom queen back in Texas, huh?" Toni said, prodding at Shelby.</p><p>"I never went to prom actually, Andrew and I were on a mission trip in Mexico," Shelby replied. </p><p>"God's such a joke, don't you know he's just a brainwashing tool to constrain the masses?" Toni laughed.</p><p>"Even if that's what you think, ever think maybe your brain could use a good scrub?"</p><p>"Fuck off."</p><p>"Perhaps we should be getting back to the party," Shelby smiled sweetly, happy to have gotten a reaction out of Toni.</p><p>Toni opened her arm, directing Shelby towards the stairs. Shelby hadn't noticed her outstretched leg as well. She tripped slightly, her arms flailing trying to cling on to something. Luckily her hand found the bannister but she'd hit her head slightly on a picture frame. She stood up straight, collecting herself, and turned to face Toni. She reached her hand up to her face and pulled away, blood coating her fingers.</p><p>"Shit Shelby, I'm sorry," Toni blinked, her hands wound tightly behind her back, "I didn't mean to…"</p><p>"I think you should go back downstairs, I'll be there in a minute," Shelby cut her off. Toni nodded. She looked reluctant to go but when Shelby stepped out the way she ran down the stairs away from her.</p><p>Shelby locked herself back in the bathroom, using tissue paper to stem the cut on her face. This wasn't how she'd expected tonight to go. Her dad would have all sorts of questions when she got home. Even so she was glad she'd come to the party. It had been good to meet some of her classmates and Martha seemed genuinely sweet. She just wished Toni hadn't been so horrible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Strawberry Jam</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey Shelby, what are you doing later?" Martha asked, spinning to look at her as the teacher stopped talking.</p><p>"We're doing a family movie night," Shelby said.</p><p>"Why don't you come to the game?"</p><p>"The game?"</p><p>"Basketball," Sam chimed in, "girls first then boys, Simon's playing, Martha's right you should come. I know Simon's friends are all talking about you."</p><p>Shelby swished her ponytail, feigning flattery. She fanned her palms out on the desk in front of her.</p><p>"I guess I could ask my parents if I could stay for the game," she conceded.</p><p>"Yay!" Martha grinned, genuinely happy. It made Shelby feel warm inside. She was glad she'd made a friend in Martha. She itched absentmindedly at the scab that had formed at her temple. Her dad hadn't asked much about it thankfully but it still bothered Shelby a little.</p><p>//</p><p>"What are the rules? Texas is more of a football state."</p><p>"They just have to put the ball in the hoop," Sam shrugged. Clearly she didn't much know the rules either.</p><p>The girls were sat on the bleachers waiting for the teams to come out. In front of them sat a few of Simon's friends that Shelby recognised. One guy, she thought his name was John, turned and smiled at her.</p><p>"Shelby, right?"</p><p>Shelby nodded.</p><p>"Good to see you here, you should come to the diner after, we always go for waffles."</p><p>"Yeah you should come," Sam nodded.</p><p>"Are you going?" Shelby asked Martha.</p><p>"Oh, um, no," Martha shook her head, "my Mom usually picks me up once Toni finishes."</p><p>"Martha you should come," Sam said, "Toni can come too, I suppose."</p><p>Martha's eyes widened. Shelby had a feeling she wasn't regularly invited to waffles. She also thought perhaps Sam was just trying to impress John by getting Shelby to come. She decided waffles weren't for her.</p><p>"You know, my parents will get a bit funny if I stay out too late, I think I'll head home after the girls have played."</p><p>Sam looked a little taken aback, blinking. John shrugged and turned back to face the court. Martha gave Shelby a small smile which Shelby returned.</p><p>An air horn went off, making Shelby jump, as the girls started making their way out. The crowd clapped and cheered. Shelby felt her jaw clench as she saw Toni. Toni moved swiftly, the basketball leaving her hands expertly as she bounced it across the court, throwing her arms in the air to get the audience pumped. It was working. Shelby couldn't help joining in with the claps, feeling her chest give out a wholehearted laugh. This was fun.</p><p>//</p><p>Shelby and Martha waited in the corridor to the changing room.</p><p>"Thanks for offering me a ride."</p><p>"Don't worry about it," Martha replied, "it's too cold for you to be walking home."</p><p>"My dad said he'd buy me a car soon," Shelby nodded.</p><p>"A car?" Martha asked, eyes wide.</p><p>"Yeah," Shelby laughed nervously, "so I can drive to school."</p><p>"We'd never be able to afford another car," Martha said wistfully. </p><p>"Well maybe I could give you a ride to school once I get it?"</p><p>Martha beamed. She'd been about to reply when Toni came storming out of the changing room.</p><p>"Come on Marty, let's get out of here," Toni grumbled, marching past Martha. She pulled to a halt when she noticed Shelby stood there.</p><p>"What are you doing here?"</p><p>Shelby could have sworn she saw Toni's hard look falter. Either way her face was now made of stone again.</p><p>"Martha offered me a ride home," Shelby shrugged.</p><p>"Oh, well, that's great," Toni shot a glare at Martha.</p><p>"You know, I thought you played well, you almost had them at the end there," Shelby pushed, trying to prevent Toni taking her anger out on Martha.</p><p>"What would you know about basketball?" Toni challenged.</p><p>"I don't know anything," Shelby laughed, "but it was cool to watch you play."</p><p>This seemed to anger Toni even more. She was almost shaking with rage. Shelby absentmindedly reached up to scratch at her temple, fiddling with her necklace with the other hand. Toni noticed the cross around her neck.</p><p>"Shouldn't you be going to church or something?"</p><p>"Bible group isn't until Thursday."</p><p>Shelby had meant it as a joke but Toni didn't seem to get it. Instead she stormed past Shelby, heading out to the parking lot.</p><p>"I was trying to be nice," Shelby shrugged.</p><p>"Just ignore her," Martha muttered, following Toni out.</p><p>The drive home was a little awkward as Shelby and Tony had to share the back seat but luckily Martha's mom filled the car with conversation.</p><p>"So how'd you end up all the way up here then Shelby?" </p><p>Shelby snuck a glance over at Toni. She was smirking in that infuriating way of hers.</p><p>"My dad got offered a new job here, and my parents thought it would be a good idea to make a new start," Shelby replied. She wasn't about to tell them why her parents thought it a good idea.</p><p>"Have you settled in ok?"</p><p>"Mhmm," Shelby nodded, "everyone's been so nice."</p><p>She snuck another look over at Toni. Toni was staring hard out the window, as if she'd just seen something really important.</p><p>"That's good, you're certainly welcome round anytime, we like to make people feel at home."</p><p>Shelby noticed Toni's lips twitch into a small smile. It was genuine and made Shelby feel a bit strange. Toni looked round, catching Shelby staring at her. Shelby looked away, feeling a burning heat creep up her neck. She smiled at Mrs Blackburn in the rear view mirror as they approached her house.</p><p>"Thank you Mrs Blackburn, that's awful nice of you, and thank you very much for the ride."</p><p>//</p><p>Toni scrolled absentmindedly on her phone, her pillow tucked beneath her on the mattress on Martha's floor.</p><p>"I think you should lay off Shelby a bit," Martha said from her bed, breaking the comfortable silence that always fell between  them.</p><p>Toni stopped scrolling and rolled over, leaning her head on her arm.</p><p>"Can we like not talk about her for one night?"</p><p>"I don't get it though Toni, she's only ever been nice to you and you're just mean."</p><p>Toni let out a noise that could only really be heard as a guffaw.</p><p>"Forget it," Martha shook her head.</p><p>"You want to know what I don't get?" Toni asked, suddenly feeling quite fired up. </p><p>Martha looked at her expectedly. Toni could feel one of Martha's eye rolls coming but that only infuriated her more.</p><p>"I don't get why you think she's so special. Wonderful Shelby with her god loving rich ass parents living in their huge mansion pretending that she's just so damn nice. Can you not see right through that?"</p><p>"Toni, maybe you need to stop trying to find the bad in people when sometimes it's not even there," Martha sighed.</p><p>"Yeah well maybe you should stop assuming everybody is just as good as you," Toni huffed. She knew Martha always thought the best about people. It was both a positive and a flaw. Most of the time it balanced Toni out but she couldn't stand it this time around.</p><p>"Can we not do this?"</p><p>"Do what?"</p><p>"All the time, ever since you broke up with Regan, everything is made into a fight. I'm not trying to fight with you Toni and neither is the rest of the world."</p><p>"Marty, you wouldn't understand."</p><p>"Try me," Martha shrugged.</p><p>"Never mind, let's not argue," Toni conceded.</p><p>//</p><p>"Hey Dad," Shelby said, finishing her breakfast, "do you think it would be okay if I stayed after the game tonight? My friends invited me to go for waffles at the diner."</p><p>Dave Goodkind mopped his brow with a towel. He'd just come in from his morning run and was slick with sweat.</p><p>"By God's grace is it cold out there," he chuckled, reaching into the fridge for some orange juice.</p><p>"Dad, did you hear me?"</p><p>Ever since they'd made the move to Minnesota she'd felt guilty. After everything that happened with Becca she couldn't help but think this move was partly her doing.</p><p>"What, honey?"</p><p>"My friends invited me for waffles after the game?" Shelby repeated. Her Dad hadn't taken much interest in her lately. He hadn't even bothered to research the pageants in Minnesota, something he'd pushed on Shelby since she was a little kid.</p><p>"Which friends?" </p><p>"Sam and her boyfriend Simon, and John, maybe Martha," Shelby shrugged.</p><p>"John, huh?" Dave nodded, "great, but make sure you invite those kids round to the house soon, your mom and I will need to meet them."</p><p>"Thanks Dad."</p><p>Shelby smiled. She felt like she was walking on eggshells around him. Anything she said she had to rehearse it twelve times in her head, just to make sure he wouldn't think there was anything wrong with her. It was tortuorous.</p><p>//</p><p>"You came!" Sam grinned as Shelby and Martha slid into the booth. John sidled in after them, his leg settling against Shelby's. Shelby resisted the urge to push it away and smiled at him instead.</p><p>"Wouldn't miss it!" Shelby beamed.</p><p>They ordered their waffles whilst Simon started on a story about the prank they pulled on the new basketball freshman. Shelby found herself laughing, almost snorting cream all over the place. Martha giggled beside her. She didn't even notice the tinkle of the bell and only realised Toni had arrived when Martha nudged her.</p><p>"Hey Toni," Shelby smiled, spurred on by the good time she was having.</p><p>"Pull up a chair," Sam gestured.</p><p>Toni dragged a chair over. She looked uncomfortable. Shelby figured she only came because of Martha. The girl was loyal; she'd give her that. Soon though Simon was off again and Toni visibly started to relax.</p><p>Halfway through waffles John grabbed the spoon from the pot of strawberry jam in the centre of the table and licked it clean. Shelby was a little grossed out. </p><p>"Is that what you did to Sarah at the weekend?" Simon joked. Shelby felt her neck go hot. She wasn't used to this sort of talk.</p><p>"She didn't complain," John shrugged.</p><p>"Looks like you did it all wrong to me," Toni teased. Shelby stared at her.</p><p>"Oh yeah Shalifoe, like you could do better," John challenged. </p><p>In answer Toni grabbed her spoon and dipped it flush into the jam. Pulling it out she held the spoon out in front of her.</p><p>"You see fellas, you've got to treat it with finesse," Toni said. Shelby watched, eyes narrowed, her hands clenched beneath the table as Toni licked the spoon clean. Everyone was laughing.</p><p>"Would you stop?" Shelby blurted. The table went quiet. Shelby could feel everyone's eyes on her. She rocked back and forth a little.</p><p>"So I guess Shelby has no chill," Simon said.</p><p>"I'm sorry, I guess I just don't see the humour in that sort of thing," Shelby shrugged.</p><p>"What sort of thing?" Toni asked, the spoon clenched in her fist.</p><p>"I don't know, pornographic gestures, I'm a Christian from a Christian home, I'm allowed to be a little skeeved out."</p><p>"Get the cross out of your ass, we were just poking fun," John said, putting his spoon on his plate and pulling his napkin to his lips.</p><p>"I don't think that's all that's going on here, don't bullshit me Shelby, that vibe coming off you right now, I've felt it a few too many times not to know what it is."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Martha asked.</p><p>"I mean she can't stand that I'm gay Marty, that's what skeeves her out."</p><p>"That's not true, right Shelby?" Martha asked.</p><p>Shelby twisted uncomfortably in her seat, suddenly feeling very trapped between Martha and John. She could feel the group's eyes on her.</p><p>"Look I'll be as honest as possible because ya'll deserve that. I do believe that way of life is a sin."</p><p>Before Shelby could finish Toni had slammed her spoon on the table and stood up.</p><p>"I can't fucking believe this," Toni said, shaking with anger.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Shelby said, looking up at Toni reproachfully, "but everything I've ever known has taught me that. There's no hate in my heart, I just feel sorry -"</p><p>"Fuck you!" Toni yelled and stormed out of the diner, the tinkle of the bell following her out.</p><p>"What?" Shelby said, exasperated as she looked around the table, "am I not allowed to have my own beliefs?"</p><p>"Not those ones," Sam shook her head.</p><p>"Shelby, can you let me out please?" Martha asked, her voice a whisper.</p><p>John scooted out too and Martha left, following Toni out into the cold.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>As you may have noticed some of the lines are canon however I'm trying to put a bit of a spin on the story line. Hope you enjoy and please leave your reviews, good or bad.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Shooting Hoops</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby didn't understand. She was being completely outcast for disagreeing with something that only a month ago in Texas her whole town thought sinful. It was all she could think about. Everyone had stood up for Toni at the diner and left after Shelby's remark. Ever since she could barely catch Sam's eye in the corridor and Martha had a funny habit of exiting a room whenever Shelby entered. It was lonely. Just as she thought she'd been making friends they were gone again. The only person still making a bit of an effort was John. Shelby knew that was only because he thought she was hot. Even then, whenever Simon was around, he'd keep his eyes firmly to the ground. Shelby found it hard to get through the day. Home wasn't much better. Her Dad was ignoring her even more and her Mom was clearly becoming resentful of Minnesota already with its more liberal views. Shelby could hear them arguing from her room in the evenings. Perhaps most jarring of all Shelby couldn't get the image of Toni licking that spoon out of her head. It made her feel funny. Uncomfortable but in a good way. Sort of how she'd felt with Becca a couple of times and it scared her.</p><p>She kept trying in math class. Shelby was smart, despite her pageant queen exterior, and she thought maybe offering Martha help would show her that Shelby wasn't so awful. Martha seemed to be on the fence. She was clearly trying to see the best in Shelby but what she'd said about Toni's sexuality wasn't going to be forgotten easily. Shelby didn't know what to do. Her Dad had told her that that way of life was a sin. He'd told her anybody who followed that way of life would end up alone, unloved, so being crucified for agreeing with her Dad's views was not something she'd experienced before. It made her feel even more guilty over Becca. Maybe if they'd grown up in Minnesota none of this would ever have happened.</p><p>The week was nearing an end and Shelby was becoming more and more miserable. She trudged into the changing rooms for Gym class without even looking up.</p><p>"Are you sure you want to get changed in here with me around?"</p><p>Shelby looked up, startled. Nobody had spoken to her directly first in days. Toni was staring at her, that stupid infuriating look on her face again.</p><p>"I'd rather not talk to you Toni," she said, exhausted.</p><p>"Oh yeah, why's that?"</p><p>"I don't want to waste my time."</p><p>Toni laughed. Shelby was well aware of all the other girls stopping to watch. Shelby stayed her ground as Toni approached.</p><p>"Everyone might think you're this perfect looking girl that has everything, but I see you," Toni said, her dark brown eyes locked on Shelby's. Shelby felt herself glance down at Toni's lips, pushing the image of the spoon incident out of her head as quickly as it arrived. She was worried Toni did see right through her.</p><p>"Leave me alone Toni."</p><p>"Cool, keep your homophobic ass away from me too."</p><p>Toni turned to head back to her locker. Shelby couldn't resist. She kicked Toni in the back of the leg, causing her to trip.</p><p>Lauren, the girl from the party with the red curly hair, stormed up to Shelby.</p><p>"What was that for?"</p><p>"Am I not allowed to stand up for myself," Shelby said.</p><p>"Whatever it is you guys have going on, keep it out," Lauren said, "I'd rather we didn't lose our best basketball player to an injury from a stupid fight."</p><p>Shelby felt self-conscious for a moment, aware of everybody staring. She turned to face her locker, trying to push away the wave of anger. She didn't know why she'd kicked Toni. She'd just made her so angry with what she'd said. Perhaps because it had a hint of truth.</p><p>//</p><p>Toni had gotten up early. It was the weekend and Martha and her family were away for a wedding so Toni was on her own. She liked it. Sometimes she found Martha's house too crowded and all her foster homes had been worse. The peace was nice. She'd headed out to the park with her basketball, hoping to practise before anybody else was up. She felt calm for what felt like the first time in weeks. The whole Regan thing had taken its toll on her and with having to see Shelby all the time after her comments at the diner Toni was constantly riled up. She shot a three pointer and turned with the ball. Her breath caught in her throat as she spotted that athletic frame running up the hill towards her. </p><p>Shelby was wearing leggings and a running jacket, trying her best to keep out the cold. She'd gotten up early, eager to get out of the house and away from everything for just a while. Running made her feel better. She guessed that was why she preferred to run from her problems most of the time. In fight or flight Shelby was definitely a flyer. As she climbed the hill she spotted a girl shooting hoops. Shelby sighed internally. Toni on the other hand was the biggest fighter Shelby had ever come across. She kind of hoped Toni didn't spot her.</p><p>"Hey Shelby," Toni called as Shelby ran past. It looked like it took a moment for Shelby to decide whether she wanted to stop or just carry on and ignore Toni. She eventually ground to a halt and turned to look at her.</p><p>"Hi Toni, please, I don't want a fight this morning, I know you think I'm an asshole already."</p><p>"You say your prayers with that mouth?" Toni smirked.</p><p>Toni tossed the ball between her hands. She wasn't sure why she'd stopped Shelby, she didn't really have anything to say.</p><p>"Do you want to play?" Toni eventually asked. She was as surprised as Shelby by her offer. Shelby glanced at the hoop and then at Toni, clearly weighing up whether this was some sort of trap.</p><p>"I'm not gonna throw the ball at you or anything," Toni shrugged, "just thought I'd offer."</p><p>Shelby nodded, deciding to join. Perhaps if she could talk to Toni about what happened it could make things better. She took the ball from Toni's hands. Toni was taken aback by the confidence.</p><p>"You know my issues with like, who you are, you know Toni, I don't hate you, you get that right -"</p><p>"But you do though," Toni cut her off, "I saw the look on your face in the diner. You fucking shuddered. That's hate, the least you could do is own it."</p><p>Shelby stared hard at Toni. She knew she couldn't say much in response. It wasn't like Toni would believe her anyway. Instead she sighed and took a shot. The net swished as the ball flew through.</p><p>"Beginner's luck," Toni laughed.</p><p>“I’ll be coming for your spot on the team.”</p><p>“I’d like to see you try,” Toni grinned, taking the ball and dribbling around Shelby, springing up to go for a slam dunk. </p><p>“Oh and she sticks the landing, I don’t know about you Jeff but I think that girl’s got talent!” Toni commentated, her voice deeper to mimic those on ESPN. Shelby caught herself smiling. She tried to wipe it away before Toni noticed, scratching at her head and looking at the floor. </p><p>“Hey, you uh, your head, how’s it healing?” Toni asked, holding the ball by her side and gesturing at Shelby’s face.</p><p>“Oh, um, yeah it’s almost there,” Shelby nodded, “it healed over pretty quick.”</p><p>“Why did you never tell the others I did that?”</p><p>“I guess I didn’t want to give you the satisfaction,” Shelby shrugged. Toni raised her eyebrows.</p><p>“You go running often?”</p><p>“Not really, I just wanted some space from everything, it’s been a tough week.”</p><p>Shelby faltered as she saw the angry haze she now knew so well settle across Toni’s face again, her jaw clenching. She didn’t mean to annoy her. In fact, right now, she sort of wanted to be Toni’s friend.</p><p>“Sorry, just all these expectations I have to live by, always needing to look good, be prim and proper, not put a toe out of line, it’s just a lot.”</p><p>Her apology didn’t really seem to have much of an effect on Toni.</p><p>“You know if you’re trying to out sad me here Shelby it’s not going to work,” Toni responded, “whatever bullshit reasons you want to come up with about how your life sucks aren’t really going to stick with me.”</p><p>“That’s not what I meant, I just, I’m finding it hard settling here-”</p><p>“Yeah well I’ve never met my Dad and my Mom is in and out of rehab like it’s a fucking White Castle, and Martha’s house is the first home I’ve had in years. I’ve been bounced around from foster home to foster home like a fucking pass the parcel and I’ve never even left this fucking state, never mind be so rich I can afford to move cross country on a whim. You know, I always got jealous of all the kids getting to go to the planetarium, not because I was interested in the solar system, but because they had somebody to sign their permission slips. So you don’t really get to talk to me about hard.”</p><p>Shelby stared at her. She hoped it didn’t look as though she was pitying Toni. She actually really liked Toni when she got a little passionate. Shelby was trying her best to push the funny feeling in her stomach way back down.</p><p>“But you’re free Toni, you get to do and be whoever you like, does that not mean anything to you?”</p><p>Toni looked at Shelby. Really looked at her for the first time. Her skin was flawless, as expected, and Toni couldn’t argue against the fact that she was attractive. Anyone would agree with that even if Toni hated herself for even thinking about it. The furrowed brow though, and the hard stare in her green eyes, made Toni feel as though there was something else under there. Something Shelby was desperately trying to figure out.</p><p>“So are you,” Toni shrugged, her eyes fixed on Shelby’s, “all those expectations you’re talking about are all in your head Shelby. Maybe they were there back in Texas but you can start fresh here, if you wanted.”</p><p>Toni didn’t really know where it came from. It was like she saw Shelby’s perfect demeanour crack and then all of a sudden lips were on hers. The basketball dropped between them and Toni couldn’t stop herself from kissing Shelby back. Shelby’s hands were gripping Toni’s face, keeping her there, and Toni pulled at Shelby’s waist. For a moment she had forgotten she hated the girl. Quicker than it had began Shelby pulled back. Toni saw outright panic in her face. Just before Shelby turned to run Toni grabbed her arm, holding her tight.</p><p>Toni was strong; Shelby had to admit. She couldn’t tug her arm free fast enough. </p><p>“Shelby,” Toni said, her voice croaky.</p><p>“Toni, let go of me,” Shelby said, panic rising in her throat, her cheeks flushing red. She didn’t know what had come over her. One second she’d been listening to Toni, and then her mind had wandered to her lips and then, after what Toni said and after such a horrible week, she had just wanted to make herself feel better. Maybe she had felt better for that short moment where she’d crashed into Toni. Now though she was terrified somebody had seen, terrified to admit it to herself. She wouldn’t be able to look her father in the eye when she got home. He would know something was up.</p><p>“Don’t you want to talk about this-”</p><p>“No, let me go Toni, I need to go, please,” Shelby begged. She thought maybe Toni could hear the desperation in her voice. In any case it was enough for Toni to release her arm.</p><p>“I’ll be in the library on Monday morning before class,” Toni said, “you know, just in case you did want to talk about it.”</p><p>Shelby nodded, thoughts whirring around her brain like a tornado. She needed to run and not look back. She couldn’t face this, not again. She turned and ran.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Harry's Pizza Parlour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni couldn't stop thinking about Shelby for the rest of the weekend. It didn't help that she had the house to herself. Whatever was going on with Shelby she didn't want to push her. In fact Toni felt a little guilty for how she'd treated Shelby since she'd arrived at school. Perhaps she needed to stop taking people at face value all the time. Toni was relieved come Monday morning when she and Martha left for school.</p><p>"How was your weekend?" Martha asked. She'd gotten back late last night and Toni had pretended to be asleep.</p><p>"Yeah, strange," Toni replied, "I bumped into Shelby in the park, she's not so bad."</p><p>Toni glanced sideways at Martha. Her mouth hung open.</p><p>"But what she said about you-"</p><p>"Yeah, that still really sucks, but maybe she really has grown up being told that it's not okay. You've heard how gay people get treated in some parts, we sometimes get it here even."</p><p>"That's really grown up of you Toni."</p><p>"Yeah well, I'm fed up of being angry at the world all the time," Toni shrugged.</p><p>Martha gave her a sideways hug, beaming at her. Toni chuckled.</p><p>"Anyway, enough of that, how was your weekend?"</p><p>Before Martha could reply Toni noticed Regan exiting her house from up ahead. Martha noticed too.</p><p>"Toni, we can wait if you want," she said.</p><p>"No, come on, I can say hi."</p><p>They carried on walking. Toni could tell Martha was a little bewildered. </p><p>"Hey Regan," Toni said as they caught up to her. Martha went ahead. She was comically only ten paces away but still out of ear shot.</p><p>"Hi Toni," Regan replied. She looked uncomfortable.</p><p>"Did you get your car fixed?" Toni asked.</p><p>"If this is another apology Toni I don't want it."</p><p>"I wanted to pay actually, for the repair."</p><p>"And how are you going to do that?"</p><p>"I got a job. Waitressing at that pizza place we used to go to?"</p><p>"Huh," Regan nodded, "that's cool. Really it's okay though, the car was on its last legs anyway."</p><p>"I'd still like to help," Toni said, pulling at her rucksack loops.</p><p>"I think you helped enough."</p><p>Toni felt hurt all over again. Maybe talking to Regan wasn't such a good idea. She tried to push down the frustration building inside her. Her heart ached.</p><p>"You're right," Toni conceded, "for the record, I am really sorry. If you want to be friends then I'd like that."</p><p>"I don't think being friends is a great idea right now, I'll see you around Toni."</p><p>Toni quickened her pace to sidle up to Martha. She looked at Toni expectantly.</p><p>"Leave it," Toni shook her head. Martha knew better than to push.</p><p>"There's Shelby," Martha said brightly, trying to distract her.</p><p>Toni's head spun round quicker than she'd have liked. She hadn't realised just how badly she wanted to see Shelby that morning. The blonde girl was getting out of her car. Clearly Daddy had treated her over the weekend. Toni chided herself for getting pissed off about it. Martha shouted over to Shelby. Toni watched as Shelby turned to look. They caught eyes and Toni tried to give a little wave but already Shelby had turned on her heel and headed towards the school entrance. Toni took a deep breath, feeling a little hurt.</p><p>"I thought you said Shelby wasn't so bad," Martha said, just as put out.</p><p>"Yeah," Toni shrugged, "come on, we're going to be late."</p><p>//</p><p>Shelby had seen Toni and Martha in the parking lot. She was kicking herself for not speaking to them. She needed to know if Toni had told anyone about what had happened. All weekend she'd been lost in thought, worried and terrified of what would happen at school on Monday. Surely the gossip would have spread all over the school by now. Luckily her Dad hadn't noticed anything wrong. She'd managed to forego any suspicion by offering to do a reading at the Sunday service as a thank you for her new car. When Shelby got into school though nothing seemed to have changed. Sam still ignored her but that was no different to the previous week. John still smiled at her in the corridor which Shelby thought wouldn't happen if he knew. She started feeling a little more at ease when she turned up to math class that afternoon.</p><p>"Hey Shelby," Martha smiled as she sat down.</p><p>"Hey Martha, how are you?" Shelby asked.</p><p>"I'm good thank you, Toni said she saw you at the weekend."</p><p>Shelby gulped. Here it was. She felt her cheeks start to go red. She fiddled with her necklace.</p><p>"Oh, well, yeah, I was running in the park, what exactly did Toni say?"</p><p>Shelby tried to remain nonchalant. She didn't want to openly display the rising panic she felt.</p><p>"She just said you weren't so bad," Martha shrugged, "which is quite a compliment from Toni."</p><p>"Nothing else?" Shelby asked.</p><p>"No Shelby, why would there be?"</p><p>"Nothing, I guess I'm just used to Toni not being very nice about me."</p><p>"You should come over later, Toni and I are watching reruns of Glee," Martha said.</p><p>"I wouldn't have put that down as Toni's thing."</p><p>"No," Martha chuckled, "she scrolls on her phone most of the time."</p><p>"That would be nice though," Shelby agreed, "if it's ok with your Mom."</p><p>//</p><p>"You did what?" Toni blinked, staring at Martha as she chopped the carrots.</p><p>"I invited Shelby over," Martha replied, "you said she wasn't so bad."</p><p>"Jesus Marty, not so bad and inviting her round to the house are two very different things."</p><p>"She'll be here in ten minutes, I can't cancel on her now."</p><p>Toni busied herself chopping the onions. Shelby had ignored her all day, even when she'd tried to catch her eye. Now she was coming round for dinner. Toni couldn't believe it.</p><p>Toni jumped when the doorbell rang. She'd been too busy with her own thoughts. She let Martha go and get it. She heard Shelby before she saw her.</p><p>"So I bought some donuts for us on the way here," Shelby said, almost dancing into the front room. Toni glanced up at her. She looked good. Toni pushed the thought away.</p><p>"That's so thoughtful Shelby," Martha smiled, "Toni's just putting some dinner on." </p><p>"What are we having?" Shelby asked, perching on the stool at the kitchen counter.</p><p>"The best spaghetti you've ever tasted," Toni responded. She thought she saw Shelby redden slightly. It gave Toni butterflies.</p><p>"It smells delicious," Shelby smiled.</p><p>"I'll be right back, just going to the bathroom."</p><p>Martha left the room, leaving Shelby and Toni in uncomfortable silence.</p><p>"So donuts huh?" </p><p>"Have you told anyone?" Shelby blurted, ignoring Toni. Toni glanced at her, eyebrows raised as she snapped the spaghetti into the pan.</p><p>"Sorry," Shelby said, head in her hands, "that was abrupt. Just I need to know, did you tell anyone?"</p><p>"Fuck I would never Shelby," Toni replied, her brow furrowed, "whatever you're working through I'm not about to out you like that. Jesus."</p><p>"Okay, okay," Shelby nodded, "it's just I know who I am and I swear I'm not like that. I don't want anyone thinking-"</p><p>"Whatever Shelby," Toni shrugged, tossing the onions in the frying pan, "next time though, maybe give me a bit of warning rather than jumping me like that?"</p><p>Shelby turned bright red. Toni chuckled as Martha came bounding back down the stairs. Toni was impressed by how quickly Shelby gathered herself.</p><p>//</p><p>"These donuts are great Shelby," Martha said as the credits rolled on the third consecutive episode of Glee. Usually Toni wasn’t a fan but the way Martha and Shelby had crooned Fleetwood Mac along with the show together had made her laugh. She had to admit she was warming to Shelby a little.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm glad you like them, I'm just so full from dinner I don't think I can try them," Shelby laughed.</p><p>"Come on," Toni said, grabbing a donut and pushing it towards Shelby's face. She fell back, pushing Toni's arms away. Some of the icing sugar still made its way to Shelby's nose. She laughed, wiping it off with the back of her hand as Toni pulled the donut away.</p><p>"Marty, grab Shelby's arms, we can't give up that easy."</p><p>Martha giggled, moving over and pulling Shelby's arms away from her face.</p><p>"Lord forgive me if you come near me with that again," Shelby laughed.</p><p>Toni leaned forward, donut in hand, and Shelby had no defence but to let her coax the donut into her mouth. </p><p>"Alright," Shelby relented, mouth full. Toni was really close to her, leaning over her on the couch, her arm actually grazing against Shelby's thigh. Shelby could have sworn she noticed Toni's eyes glance downwards. Shelby felt the familiar warmth in her tummy. Toni's lips twitched into a smile and she pulled back to the far side of the couch, victorious.</p><p>"You're right," Shelby nodded, sitting up, "these donuts are really good."</p><p>Shelby glanced at her phone. There was a message from her Dad, asking when she'd be home. It was already getting late.</p><p>"Hey so thanks," she said, gesturing around the room,"for dinner and everything."</p><p>She looked at Toni, trying her best to convey just how grateful she was for Toni not telling anybody about what had happened.</p><p>"Do you have to go?" Martha moaned.</p><p>"I'd love to stay all night but I really do need to get home, I don't want my parents to worry."</p><p>"I'll get the door," Toni said, standing up and brushing her hands off on her leggings. Donut dust left hand marks on her thighs. Shelby followed her out. </p><p>Toni led Shelby out onto the front porch, pulling the door closed behind her.</p><p>"Are you sure you can get home alright?" Toni asked, rubbing her foot on the wooden boards, "it seems pretty icy."</p><p>"You don't need to pretend you care now Toni, it's just us" Shelby said, pulling her coat tight against her. Toni, in her track top, felt herself shivering.</p><p>"I'd rather you didn't end up in a ditch," Toni admitted, looking up at Shelby. It felt awkward. Toni felt vulnerable.</p><p>Shelby reached out and rubbed Toni's upper arm. Toni leaned into her subconsciously.</p><p>"Gosh you must be freezing, you've got goosebumps!" Shelby gasped, "go and get back in with the warmth."</p><p>"Can you text Martha when you get home?"</p><p>"Of course," Shelby said, squeezing Toni's arm as she let her go, "see you at school."</p><p>//</p><p>"Welcome to Harry's pizza parlour, what can I get for you?" </p><p>Shelby looked up from her menu, surprised to see Toni stood there, pen and paper in hand. Toni smirked at her. </p><p>"Toni, didn't realise you worked here," John said.</p><p>"Just started," Toni nodded, glancing at Shelby. Shelby felt like she was under a microscope. </p><p>"I'll just get a margarita please," John ordered.</p><p>"The spaghetti, please," Shelby said, pushing her menu into the centre of the table.</p><p>"Great choice, although not the best in town," Toni said, leaning over Shelby to collect the menus. Shelby felt flustered. Toni was so close that Shelby could smell the laundry powder on her clothes. Toni left with the menus.</p><p>Toni found herself watching Shelby absentmindedly as she keyed in the order. Shelby was laughing at something John had said, her head thrown back. Toni felt a wave of jealousy flood through her and found it irritating. She jabbed at the screen a little too hard, hurting her finger. </p><p>"Dessert?" Toni asked, glancing between the couple. John was grinning from ear to ear, his hand resting on top of Shelby's. Toni had spent all evening watching them laugh together. She just wanted the shift over which, according to the clock, was in half an hour.</p><p>"I've already got my dessert," John winked.</p><p>Toni looked at Shelby. She'd pulled back her hand instinctively out from under John's.</p><p>"No, thanks," Shelby replied, the happy go lucky attitude she'd shown earlier having vanished. </p><p>"I'll get the check," Toni agreed. There was some go between over who was paying but eventually, and expectedly, John reached for his wallet.</p><p>"You can get the next one."</p><p>"Who said there would be a next one?" Shelby teased. Toni smirked, taking the money from John. It was strange seeing Shelby flirt.</p><p>"Thanks Toni," John said, standing up, "keep the change."</p><p>"How generous," Toni countered sarcastically, looking down at the extra dollar bill in her hand. Shelby offered Toni a small smile as she followed John out.</p><p>//</p><p>Toni clocked off, shoving her cap into her rucksack. </p><p>"See you next weekend," she shouted through into the kitchen. She didn't wait for the response. The pizza parlour wasn't such a bad place to work. She'd already had a few comments from customers that she was a little rude but that wasn't new to Toni. It kept some money coming in so she could buy dinner for the Blackburns every so often which she liked. Toni wrapped her scarf around her neck and pulled on her woolly hat. They'd both come second hand from Martha's mom and were the cosiest things she owned. Even so winter was fast approaching and Toni wasn't looking forward to having to do this walk in -40 with wind chill. She crossed the parking lot but stopped as she spotted Shelby's car. The light was on in the front and for some reason Toni didn't feel good about it. John had a reputation at school. Toni decided she needed to make sure Shelby was alright.</p><p>Toni walked up to the passenger door. Inside she could see John was pressing himself up towards Shelby, leaning in to kiss her on the neck, but Shelby looked panicked, jaw clenched and trying to pull away, her hands firmly gripping the steering wheel. Toni yanked the car door open.</p><p>"Leave me alone, John," Shelby said.</p><p>"Come on, I bought you dinner, you could at least give me something to show for it," John replied, planting a kiss on Shelby's cheek. Shelby was pressed up against the window, nowhere to go away from John's advances.</p><p>"Hey!" Toni yelled, grabbing John on the back of his coat and dragging him backwards, "she said leave her alone!"</p><p>"Jesus Shalifoe, where did you come from?" John blinked, holding his hands up, "Shelby was just teasing me."</p><p>"Toni, it's alright, you don't need to help me," Shelby offered, biting her lip.</p><p>"You think I'd let this dirtbag feel you up in your own car without your permission," Toni said, her words jarring.</p><p>"No - but I -" </p><p>"Get out John, go find another piece of ass to satisfy yourself," Toni continued, enraged. John didn't need to be asked twice, he pushed past Toni and scarpered. Everyone at school knew how hot Toni ran. He didn't want to get on the wrong side of her.</p><p>"Toni, you didn't need to do that-"</p><p>"Yes I did," Toni replied, jumping into the passenger seat and closing the door, "you don't know him like I do. He'd have kept going Shelby, until you put out."</p><p>"I would never have-"</p><p>Toni looked over at her. Shelby's mouth shut tight. The side of her head was bleeding, the scab from the party reopened. It must have been when she'd pressed her head up against the window.</p><p>"Your head, it's bleeding," Toni said, reaching out with her thumb and wiping it away softly. Shelby's skin was hot as she leaned in to Toni's touch. Their eyes caught and Toni felt her breath catch in her throat. Shelby felt it too. </p><p>"Do you think maybe you could, uh, give me a ride home? Since I saved you," Toni spluttered, pulling her hand back and looking down at the foot well. Shelby snapped out of her reverie.</p><p>"Oh, yeah, of course, thank you, by the way," she said, spinning the car into gear. They trundled out of the parking lot.</p><p>The drive didn't take long but it felt like forever. It wasn't so much awkward as fueled. The air felt heavy between them, ready to crack. Shelby pulled up outside the Blackburn house.</p><p>"Do you want to come in?" Toni asked, "I was thinking maybe we should fix that cut before you go home to your parents."</p><p>"I don't know if that's such a good idea, it's getting late."</p><p>"Everyone will be in bed, it won't take two minutes, and you still seem a little shaken up."</p><p>Shelby did feel a little shaken up. She hadn't noticed how tense she was. She let her hands loosen on the steering wheel and turned off the ignition. Toni gave her a small smile, taking that as agreement. They headed towards the house.</p><p>"Do you want a drink?" Toni offered, pulling out the small first aid kit from under the sink.</p><p>"Just water, please," Shelby said, perching again on the stool by the kitchen counter. Toni ran her a glass, set it down in front of Shelby then hopped up on the counter top. She fished inside the first aid kit for an alcohol wipe. </p><p>"Spin round a little, I can't reach," Toni said, taking Shelby's shoulders and twisting her in the seat. The stool revolved so that Shelby's thigh spun to rest against Toni's calf. Toni tilted Shelby's head towards her and gently wiped the cut, keeping her other hand under Shelby's chin. Her skin was still warm under Toni's fingers. Shelby's features scrunched as the sting of the alcohol bit in.</p><p>"Sorry, it stings."</p><p>"Yeah, thanks for the heads up," Shelby teased, her breath light against Toni's hand.</p><p>Toni was oddly comfortable even though she was well aware of how close Shelby was. Shelby, on the other hand, was struggling with the ease by which Toni was touching her. Her own skin felt like it was burning. It ached, in a good way.</p><p>"There we go," Toni said, turning away and putting the wipe down. </p><p>As she turned back Shelby had stood up, her hand resting just to the right of Toni's thigh. Shelby jutted her head forward slightly, testing Toni. Toni remained where she was, glancing down at Shelby's lips. Shelby reached up her other hand and placed it gently on Toni's cheek as she leaned in. This time her kiss was gentle and soft. Shelby's other hand came up to rest on the side of Toni's neck. Toni reached up her own hands, grasping Shelby's wrists. As much as she didn't want it to stop she pushed Shelby back. Shelby stared at her but this time there was very little panic.</p><p>"Are you sure?" Toni questioned, serious.</p><p>"I'm sure," Shelby nodded. She was, she'd never felt more sure in her life. She leaned back in and this time Toni kissed her back properly, her tongue brushing against Shelby's bottom lip. Shelby reached down, her fingers curling around the hem of Toni's t-shirt. She started to lift it up but Toni stopped her.</p><p>"Not here," she shook her head. Shelby blinked, hurt.</p><p>"I didn't mean stop," Toni breathed, her eyes taking Shelby in, "but we should go upstairs."</p><p>"Martha?" Shelby frowned.</p><p>"She's away with her dance group."</p><p>Toni jumped off the counter top and took Shelby's hand, leading her as quietly as she could up the stairs. She shut the door behind them as they entered Martha's room.</p><p>"You sleep there?" Shelby asked, pointing at the mattress on the floor.</p><p>"Best bed I've ever had," Toni nodded, feeling a little self-conscious. She'd never really had anyone in here before, not even Regan.</p><p>"It's nice," Shelby said, stepping closer to Toni, her fingers reaching for the bottom of her shirt again, fiddling with it in her hands.</p><p>"Yeah," Toni nodded. The girl was driving her mad.</p><p>"Yeah," Shelby smiled, looking up at Toni. Again she leaned in and Toni didn't stop her as she pulled Toni's shirt over her head. Shelby looked at her in the half light and Toni swore she saw a smile twitch at her lips as she stepped back and removed her own shirt. Toni stared. She knew Shelby was athletic but it still surprised her. She didn't have much time to process before Shelby's lips had found Toni's jawline, tracing their way up to her ear.</p><p>"I've wanted to do this for days," she whispered. Toni had not expected Shelby to be much of a talker. Toni had to admit it turned her on. She pressed Shelby backwards, pushing her gently onto Martha's bed. Toni straddled her, taking her turn to kiss Shelby before running her lips slowly down her neck and across her collarbone. Her skin was warm and inviting under Toni's tongue.</p><p>"This okay?" Toni asked, worried it was too much. She didn't want Shelby to be overwhelmed and run again. Shelby nodded, a small gasp leaving her lips. Toni took it as a good sign. She slipped the strap of Shelby's bra from her shoulder, pushing the boundary. Much to her surprise Shelby let her, sitting up and helping Toni remove her bra completely. She looked up at Toni, trusting. Toni leaned down and pressed her lips around Shelby's nipple. It grew hard under the pressure and Toni felt Shelby shuffle beneath her. Toni took pleasure in the fact Shelby was enjoying herself. She reached down with her hand, her fingers closing around the button of Shelby's jeans. She felt Shelby tense.</p><p>"No?" Toni asked, pulling her hand away.</p><p>"Not right now," Shelby shook her head, "I don't think I'm ready."</p><p>Toni nodded, stopping.</p><p>"It doesn't mean we can't stop doing this," Shelby continued, pushing Toni's shoulder so they switched positions, Shelby now hovering over Toni. She started again at Toni's lips, gentle as before but hungrier. Toni urged Shelby's tongue into her mouth. It felt really good. Shelby's hands were somehow exploring Toni's skin in a way Toni hadn't felt before. Her fingers ran soft and then firm in just the right places. It made Toni think perhaps this wasn't a first time thing for Shelby, although surely it had to be. Toni gasped a little as Shelby's fingers brushed expertly against her nipple. Shelby pulled away, smiling. </p><p>"You look really good," Shelby said. Toni felt like putty in her hands. Shelby fell back onto the pillow. Clearly that was that.</p><p>"I need to go to the bathroom," Toni gulped, grabbing her pyjama top from the mattress on the floor and pulling it over her head. Shelby watched as Toni practically ran out of the room. It had felt good for Shelby to have given in to her thoughts. She felt empowered and yet terribly guilty all at the same time. </p><p>Toni came back into the bedroom about ten minutes later. It hadn't taken her long. </p><p>"Hey Shelby," she spoke into the darkness. She could just about see Shelby lying on Martha's bed.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Are you staying?" </p><p>"If that's okay? I'll just text my Dad and tell him I ended up at Sam's for a sleepover."</p><p>"Trying to make me jealous?"</p><p>"What? Oh, no, I didn't mean it like that."</p><p>Toni rummaged in Martha's drawer and pulled out an oversized t-shirt. She threw it over at Shelby before collapsing to her mattress on the floor.</p><p>"Toni," Shelby whispered, the darkness closing in on them.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"Do you want to, I don't know, cuddle?"</p><p>Toni stared up at Shelby's shadow on the bed. This was almost as unexpected as the entire night had been.</p><p>"Yeah, sure," Toni found herself saying. She slid in next to Shelby under the covers, wrapping her arm around Shelby's waist. She could smell Shelby's shampoo. Toni smiled, taking a deep breath as she closed her eyes.</p><p>"You okay?" Toni asked again.</p><p>"Yeah," Shelby nodded. She was, truly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Shiner</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby had been awake for at least half an hour. She'd disentangled herself from Toni and sat upright, arms wrapped around her legs. Her fingers twisted her necklace around and around. Last night she had fallen asleep genuinely happy but this morning the reality of it all was starting to dawn on her. She didn’t know what this meant, particularly for her faith. She was nervous too about Toni and how she felt. So far Toni had been nothing but trustworthy but Shelby was scared. The deep rooted belief that this was all wrong gripped her like a vice. She felt Toni stir next to her and sit up.</p><p>“You're awake,” Shelby said, looking over at Toni nervously.</p><p>“Barely, I'm a slow starter,” Toni groaned, yawning loudly. She glanced over at Shelby, noticing how tightly she was gripping the cross around her neck.</p><p>“Hey, you doing okay?” Toni asked.</p><p>“Real good,” Shelby nodded, rocking back and forth slightly. </p><p>“It’s okay if you're not you know, if you're a little iffy I get it.”</p><p>“Stop stop stop,” Shelby shook her head, putting her arms over her face. Now they were talking about it she didn’t know what to do. She wanted to run away.</p><p>“So I’m going to go out on a limb here and say maybe you're not fully okay?” Toni asked.</p><p>“I’m sorry Toni, I just don’t think I'm all that ready to talk about it just yet,” Shelby spluttered, “and not because I didn’t... because I did...like it.”</p><p>Toni watched her. It seemed she was trying to convince herself more than anything. </p><p>“Shelby, it’s cool,” Toni shrugged. She knew Shelby was trying to come to terms with how she'd felt last night. Toni wanted to give her space to figure it out without pressurising her. Shelby looked at her, confused.</p><p>“So do you want to come down for breakfast?” Toni asked, rolling off the bed.</p><p>“But Martha's mom-"</p><p>“Don’t worry, she'll be happy you're here.”</p><p>“Lord you are beyond calm right now, if I’m being honest it’s a little unnerving.”</p><p>“Why? Because usually my vibe’s going ape shit, yeah I guess I'm having an off day,” Toni shrugged, “come on, Martha's mom does the best pancakes.”</p><p>“Hey Mrs Blackburn, is it okay if Shelby stays for breakfast?” Toni asked as they sauntered into the kitchen. </p><p>“I thought I heard two of you come in last night,” Martha's mom said. Toni smiled, trying her best to help Shelby relax next to her.</p><p>“Yeah, Shelby gave me a ride home after work last night, she slipped on the ice so we patched her up. It was pretty late by the time we'd finished.”</p><p>“I'll have to call your parents Shelby and let them know you’re here, they’ll be worried if you didn’t come home like you were supposed to,” Martha's mom said.</p><p>“Oh no, that’s okay Mrs Blackburn, I messaged my Dad to let him know,” Shelby replied.</p><p>Shelby enjoyed her breakfast. Toni was right, Martha's mom did do the best pancakes. The conversation flowed easily too. Martha's siblings were really funny and Toni made sure Shelby felt included. It was nice. Shelby caught herself looking at Toni in admiration more than once. She was still a bit freaked out that Toni hadn’t made more of a big deal about what had happened the previous night. Shelby wondered if maybe it didn’t mean all that much to Toni. </p><p>“Do you play any sport Shelby?” Martha's mom asked.</p><p>“I used to play little league soccer,” Shelby nodded, “the coach was real good. He and my Dad didn’t really see eye to eye though.”</p><p>“Why’s that?” </p><p>“I’m not sure, I don’t think my Dad agreed with the way coach was raising his daughter,” Shelby shrugged, “they never came to church and Dot was allowed to do pretty much what she wanted. Anyway, Dad pulled me out to focus on pageants.”</p><p>“Do you miss it?” Toni asked. It was starting to dawn on Toni just how much Shelby cared about her Dad's opinion. No wonder she was so scared of her own feelings.</p><p>“I guess,” Shelby shrugged, “I miss getting dirty.”</p><p>Toni almost spat out her coffee. She spluttered, coughing. Shelby had gone bright red.</p><p>“I mean it was fun, being able to get muddy and throw yourself in,” Shelby scrambled, “I miss that.”</p><p>“Maybe you should try joining a team here,” Martha's mom said.</p><p>“Hmm, maybe.”</p><p>//</p><p>“Can you sit down for me please Toni?” Martha's mom asked as Toni came back into the front room having let Shelby out.</p><p>“What?” Toni blinked, surprised. She’d never really had Martha's mom speak to her this way before. She sat down on the couch obediently.</p><p>“I didn’t want to embarrass you whilst Shelby was still here but you can’t bring people to the house without letting me know first.”</p><p>“I’m sorry Mrs Blackburn, I thought it would be OK, you told Shelby she was welcome anytime,” Toni said, her hands fiddling with the cushion next to her.</p><p>“She is, but I’d like to know who’s in my house next time, ok?”</p><p>Toni nodded, gulping. She felt tears pricking at her eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was disappoint Martha’s mom.</p><p>“I’m sorry, I guess I’ve never really had anybody care whether I was even home or not,” Toni said, wiping the back of her hand across her face. She hated that she was making this about her. Martha's mom softened. She opened her arms and Toni shuffled over, letting herself fall into Mrs Blackburn's hug. It was really comforting. The confusion over what had happened with Shelby the previous night seemed to slip away as Martha's mom rested her chin on the top of Toni's head.</p><p>“There was something else I wanted to talk to you about Toni, about your mom?”</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“She reached out to me a couple of days ago asking to see you. Apparently she tried your foster family first and they told her you'd moved here.”</p><p>“I don’t want to see her,” Toni said, shaking her head.</p><p>“Toni I wasn’t going to make you, but just know she’s in town and she sounds as though she’s really trying to stay clean this time.”</p><p>“Even if she does I’d like to stay here,” Toni said, “I really like living here with you.”</p><p>“You can stay here for as long as you like,” Martha’s mom nodded.<br/>
//</p><p>Shelby let herself into the house. It was eerily quiet. She hung her car keys on the hook and took her coat off. Usually on a Saturday morning the house was a hive. Shelby stuck her head around the door to the front room. Her Dad was sat on the couch watching TV. He turned it off when he heard her enter.</p><p>“Shelby,” he said, his voice hard. Shelby had heard that tone before and it wasn’t good.</p><p>“Hey Dad,” she said, trying to keep her own voice light and breezy.</p><p>“Would you like to tell me where you were last night?” he asked, signalling for her to take a seat. Shelby obliged, her palms clammy.</p><p>“I told you, I was at-"</p><p>“Sam's,” Mr Goodkind nodded, “only your Mom rang Sam's mom this morning and she told us you weren’t there last night. So who's lying here Shelby?”</p><p>“Daddy I-" </p><p>Shelby felt like a rabbit in headlights. She hadn’t had any time to get her story straight. She was a terrible liar anyway.</p><p>“You know how we feel about you staying at boys houses,” Mr Goodkind continued, “now when I agreed that you could go for pizza with John I gave you a strict curfew.”</p><p>Shelby had to stop herself from laughing with relief. Her Dad thought she'd stayed at John's. </p><p>“Shelby, I expect respect.”</p><p>“I’m sorry, I should have been honest with you Dad, it won’t happen again.”</p><p>“No, it won’t, you're grounded for a week,” Mr Goodkind said, “no diners, no basketball, no pizza, just school, church and home. Lord if I find out there was any funny business it'll be extended.”</p><p>Shelby nodded. She’d never been grounded before. She didn’t expect to feel so relieved by it. </p><p>“Now, what do you say to a father daughter run this afternoon? We can talk about the pageants, I’ve been reading up.”</p><p>“Sure Dad,” Shelby replied, “I'll go and get changed.”</p><p>Shelby left the room as quickly as she dared. She was sure her lie was painted all over her face. She’d been fortunate that her Dad had completely misread the situation because she didn’t think she’d have been able to hide the truth. In the space of 24 hours she was having to ask for God's forgiveness twice. Shelby fell onto her bed, tears streaming from her eyes. Shelby hadn’t even noticed until her pillow was wet. She couldn’t understand why something that had felt so right was, in the eyes of the Lord and her family, so wrong. She knew that God put temptation there to test her but surely, in the end, God wanted her to be happy. Shelby couldn’t imagine she could be all that happy with a man. She had never felt that warm glowing feeling with any of the boys she’d dated. Perhaps it was just about waiting for the right one. That must be it. In the meantime she couldn’t let herself get close to Toni. She'd sworn to herself that what had happened to Becca was because of their sinful wrongdoing. That God had punished her for giving into her desires. She could not and would not ruin somebody's life like that again. If that meant ignoring Toni for the rest of the year then that’s what she supposed she must do.</p><p>As always Shelby had decided to run.<br/>
//<br/>
For some reason Shelby was giving Toni the cold shoulder again. It had been a week since Shelby had stayed the night and Toni could barely get her to look at her. Even stranger Regan had started saying hello again in the corridors. Toni really didn’t know what to make of it. Martha was even more confused although she didn’t say anything about it to Toni. Toni had been really calm lately and Martha didn’t want to light another fire. Toni decided to leave Shelby to it; as much as she felt used she was trying her best to hope that maybe Shelby was just working through some things.</p><p>“Hi Toni,” Regan said, the fourth time that week as she passed her in the corridor. Toni decided to act on it.</p><p>“Regan, have you got a minute?” she asked. Regan nodded, stopping. Toni caught her up and they walked towards the Gym together. Toni was heading to practice and assumed Regan was going to rehearsal.</p><p>“How’s things?” Regan asked.</p><p>“Yeah, I’m good, how are you?”</p><p>“I heard what you did for Shelby the other night, you know, telling John to get lost. I mean he’s telling it differently but I’ve heard what he’s like.”</p><p>“Oh,” Toni said, “you heard about that?”</p><p>“Yeah, just reminded me of what I used to like about you,” Regan shrugged, “using that hot head of yours for good."</p><p>“Yeah well, Shelby's barely speaking to me now,” Toni grumbled. Regan laughed.</p><p>“It would be good to hang out Toni, as friends, like you said?” </p><p>“Really?” Toni asked. She couldn’t stop the smile spreading across her face.</p><p>“Sure. I miss talking to somebody about how hot Princess Leia is.”</p><p>“Even the straight girls think Princess Leia is hot,” Toni joked. Regan grinned.</p><p>“This is me,” Regan said, stopping at the rehearsal room  “catch you later Toni.”</p><p>“Sure.”</p><p>Toni looked through the window of the library. She spotted Shelby alone, surrounded by paper and looking lost in thought. It was though she could feel Toni looking at her as she lifted her head and spotted her. Shelby tucked her hair behind her ears, offering a smile. Toni gave a little wave, rising up on her tiptoes and bouncing slightly. It was something. Toni felt fuzzy as she continued towards the changing rooms.</p><p>Toni had pulled on her shorts and was putting her hair up as she caught Lauren's conversation.</p><p>“I bet John's telling the truth, I think Shelby couldn’t keep her hands off him, that whole church shtick is a scam,” Lauren was saying loudly.</p><p>“I don’t know Lauren,” Grace said, “I heard differently.” </p><p>“What are you talking about?” Toni interjected.</p><p>“Toni, you were there right? That’s what people are saying. Am I right? You know I'm right,” Lauren said. Toni liked Lauren. She was bubbly, hilarious and defended the team to the core. It figured she was the best defensive player the state had to offer. Sometimes though she was a bit too much of a gossip.</p><p>“Nah Lauren, Shelby was tapping out when I saw them,” Toni shook her head.</p><p>“Yeah, because you saw them,” Lauren laughed, “I bet she was loving it up to then.”</p><p>“Shelby's not like that,” Toni said. </p><p>“I thought you hated her, I would have thought you'd be all over this,” Lauren huffed.</p><p>“I don’t know Lauren,” Toni said, “but that church thing isn’t some hoax she’s playing. If you're going to ridicule her at least check your facts.”</p><p>“Take the stick out your ass Toni,” Lauren replied, “you’d think the way you're acting it was Martha I was talking about.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Toni challenged. Her blood was starting to boil. She noticed Grace move ever so slightly between Lauren and Toni.</p><p>“I just meant all that shit that went off with Martha, it’s like I'm talking about that the way you're acting.”</p><p>Toni felt herself snap. She launched herself at Lauren, all arms and legs. Grace's yells were background noise as her elbow connected with Lauren's side. Lauren retaliated. Toni was far smaller than Lauren and it was unsurprising when Toni failed to dodge the punch to her nose. She felt blood start to pour out as she stumbled backwards.</p><p>“Oh my god!” Grace blurted.</p><p>“You really need to pick your battles wisely Toni, word of advice,” Lauren said calmly, shaking her hand and holding her side, winded from Toni's elbow.</p><p>“Shit Lauren,” Toni said, trying to stifle the nose bleed, “that hurt.”</p><p>“What is going on here?” </p><p>The coach had entered the changing room. She took one look at Toni and shook her head.</p><p>“Shalifoe, why is it always you?” she asked, “get yourself to the nurse's office, Grace make sure she gets there. We'll talk about this tomorrow.”</p><p>Toni nodded, allowing Grace to get her bag and guide her out.</p><p>“You know you should really channel that aggression towards the other team next time,” Grace said.</p><p>“She deserved it.”</p><p>“If I’m honest Toni that whole thing kind of came out of nothing,” Grace replied, “I don’t think Lauren deserved anything.” </p><p>They reached the nurse's office. Grace knocked as Toni stood back, keeping her head back and her hand under her nose. Toni and the school nurse were on first name terms by this point. She cleaned Toni up and gave her an ice pack for her face. It was already starting to bruise around her eyes. Toni was thankful it wasn’t broken. She thanked the nurse and left. Practise would pretty much be over so she thought she may as well go and wait out in the parking lot. As she stepped into the corridor she spotted Shelby leaving the library up ahead.</p><p>“Shit,” Toni muttered under her breath. She didn’t particularly want Shelby to see her like this. It was too late though, Shelby had looked in her direction and the corridor was completely empty. </p><p>Shelby had been actively avoiding Toni all week, sticking to the promise to herself, but seeing her with an ice pack strapped to her face wasn’t something she was about to walk away from. She ran up to Toni.</p><p>“Sweet Lord Toni, what happened to your face?” she said, reaching for Toni's hand without thinking. </p><p>“Oh it’s nothing,” Toni replied, letting Shelby peel the ice pack away. Her mouth dropped open. Toni tried to stifle a laugh.</p><p>“It’s not funny,” Shelby said, “look at your face.”</p><p>“Don’t you feel like kissing me anymore?” Toni teased.  Shelby eyes widened, looking round for any passers by.</p><p>“It’s alright Shelby, there’s nobody around, stupid joke.” </p><p>“No- that’s not why-" Shelby shook her head, “anyway, are you sure it’s not broken?”</p><p>“Nurse said it's fine, what are you doing here so late?”</p><p>“I’m grounded, school, church and home, only places I can go.”</p><p>“Why don’t you go home Shelby?” Toni asked, pressing the ice pack back to her nose as Shelby dropped her hand away. Shelby chose not to answer the question which Toni took to mean that home wasn’t so great right now.</p><p>“Can I help?” </p><p>“Martha's mom is coming to get me soon,” Toni said, “you don’t need to hover. I can tell you're itching to leave.”</p><p>She hadn’t meant to sound so harsh but Toni felt hurt. Shelby hadn’t said one word to her in days. Aside from waving at her earlier it had been as though Shelby didn’t even know Toni. It just wasn’t nice to be left in the dark. Shelby flinched.</p><p>“I've wanted to talk to you I swear, I’ve just been thinking about it so much and you were so damn calm that morning, it kind of made me feel as though you didn’t really care-"</p><p>Toni guffawed, dropping the ice pack from her face.</p><p>“Shelby the whole reason I've got this shiner right now is because I was standing up for you. Of course I care.”</p><p>“But-"</p><p>“Look, I guess I just wanted you to feel comfortable, I’m sorry if that came across as looking like I didn’t care, because I do.”</p><p>“Oh,” Shelby said, quietly. Toni thought she saw some sort of realisation dawn on her. Shelby suddenly felt very small. She’d gotten it all wrong. It made the fact she felt she had to keep away from Toni worse. She convinced herself it was for the best for she couldn’t allow herself to think anything else.</p><p>“So, um, now I've kinda laid it all out there, do you think I could go get my ride home?” Toni asked.</p><p>“Oh, yeah,” Shelby nodded, moving out the way. She watched as Toni disappeared round the corner. If her feelings were so wrong then she couldn’t work out why they felt so right.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Powwow</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I tried to do as much research as possible for this chapter as I wanted to make sure it was authentic however if I have made any errors regarding the traditions described please let me know as I wouldn't want to offend anybody. Hope you're enjoying the story, would be great to hear people's thoughts!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Marty, this is going to be so much fun!” </p>
<p>Toni was thrilled for her friend. Martha had been picked to be part of the adult jingle again at the PowWow. The previous year Martha hadn’t been able to perform but this time around she was really excited. She was so glad Toni was able to come too.</p>
<p>“What do you think of my regalia?” </p>
<p>“Super cute, give us a twirl.”</p>
<p>Martha spun on the spot. The dress jangled and Martha giggled. The annual spring PowWow was an event in everyone's calendar. The bitter Minnesotan winter had finally passed over and it was a celebration to usher in a new start. At least that’s how Toni saw it. All the other Powwows built up to this one and it was the only one where most of the town came, even those that didn’t identify themselves as Ojibwe.</p>
<p>“How do you do it Toni? Before a basketball game, you must get so nervous.”</p>
<p>“Most of the time you just have to fake it until you make it, and then I start playing and I don’t notice the crowd. It'll be the same for you when you start dancing.”</p>
<p>“I thought I wouldn’t be able to bring myself to do it this year.”</p>
<p>“Last year was really shitty, huh?” Toni said, wrapping her arm around Martha's shoulder and looking at them standing in the mirror.</p>
<p>“At least you and Regan are hanging out again,” Martha smiled brightly. Toni couldn’t help but love Martha's optimism.</p>
<p>“Never happening again Marty, I’ve told you this, we're better off friends.”</p>
<p>Martha pouted as she worked her way out of her regalia. If Toni were honest she was really glad her and Regan had made up and it was cool to hang out with her. As much as it was painful to think back on some of their memories of when they were together Toni could see why it wasn’t a good idea to try again. Regan fired her up too much and struggled to deal with Toni when she was angry. It didn’t make for a good relationship. They were quite happy going to the movies, stopping for coffee and saying goodbye when it started to get dark. </p>
<p>“Did you finish your scholarship application?” Martha asked, pulling on a sweatshirt.</p>
<p>“Not yet,” Toni sighed, “I still need to write an essay about why I think I deserve a place. I’m still not even sure I want it.”</p>
<p>“You’ve got to Toni!”</p>
<p>“I’d have to move state,” Toni said, “away from you. I feel like I’ve only just found a home here and moving over to Wisconsin would uproot all of that. The cost as well, even with the scholarship I’ll still need to pay for things.”</p>
<p>“You’d still have a home here, you’d just have to come back sometimes on weekends and for the holidays.”</p>
<p>“I guess I'll work on the essay, the deadline isn’t until next month anyway.”</p>
<p>Throwing herself into basketball had been Toni's preferred method of stress relief since her fight with Lauren. There was no love lost between the two of them. In fact Lauren often mentioned she should have tried hitting Toni more often if that was the result on the court. It hadn’t been long before the University of Wisconsin had taken notice. They were constantly on the circuit looking for talent and, despite Toni's small stature, they’d been impressed. Toni knew it was an incredible opportunity and one that she shouldn’t pass up but like most of the things in her life so far she couldn’t help but feel it wouldn’t work out.</p>
<p>The next morning was busy in the Blackburn house. Mrs Blackburn was fussing like she always did and Mr Blackburn had already left to help with the town set up. Toni tried her best to herd Martha's younger siblings to make sure they had breakfast and were dressed properly.</p>
<p>“Wipe that toothpaste from around your mouth.”</p>
<p>“Martha, 15 minutes!”</p>
<p>“Toni do you mind getting the wild rice dished up?”</p>
<p>And on it went until finally they stood out on the porch ready to go. </p>
<p>“Well done everyone, just about on time,” Mrs Blackburn said, checking her watch as they all bundled into the car. She did a quick head count and started up the engine. She was already fretting about parking spots. The PowWow was only just out of town in one of the big neighbouring fields and so it didn’t take long to get there. Once they arrived it was a mad dash to make sure Martha got to her starting place and to deliver the rice to the food tent on time. Toni loved exploring all the pop up stores that came with the celebration. She asked Mrs Blackburn if she could go and look around for a while and say hello before the Grand Entry.</p>
<p>Toni had been wandering through tents for over an hour. The atmosphere was starting to buzz with activity as the whole town descended, all carrying their picnic chairs and looking forward to the show. Most of all the PowWow was a chance to socialise and catch up with people. Toni spotted Regan with her family. </p>
<p>“Hey!” Toni smiled, bouncing up to them. She high fived Regan's little brother as she always had. </p>
<p>“We'll catch you in the circle,” Regan's mom smiled, leaving the girls to it.</p>
<p>Toni stopped. Regan waved her hand in front of her face. Toni pushed it away. Shelby and her family had just turned up.</p>
<p>“Didn’t expect to see her here,” Regan said, following Toni's gaze.</p>
<p>The Goodkinds were the model American family. Mr Goodkind was tall, handsome and, aside from preaching his faith to all that would listen, his job as a small city investment banker in Minneapolis paid a very good wage. Meanwhile Mrs Goodkind was the perfect housewife. Since moving to Minnesota she’d joined every council in town and had become heavily involved in charity work. Toni herself had been offered a food parcel by Shelby's mom which she'd quite angrily refused. The younger kids were well presented and well mannered. Anyone who met them had nothing but good things to say. Then there was Shelby. The figurehead of the Goodkind clan, constantly living up to anything her family demanded her to be. It made Toni feel sick. </p>
<p>Since the night Shelby had stayed over Toni had tried her best to talk to her at any opportunity but Shelby had kept shutting her down. One word answers and saying she didn’t have time became a common theme. It pissed Toni off and if it hadn’t been for Martha constantly calming her down Toni would probably have lost it with her. The Christmas holidays came and went and after that Toni had stopped bothering. Shelby had slammed the door tight on whatever had been going on between them. She supposed she could attribute some of her efforts on the basketball court to the rejection she felt so it wasn’t all bad. Still it infuriated Toni that despite all of it, whenever Shelby passed her in the corridor, Toni ached at the smell of her perfume. </p>
<p>“I bet her Mom thinks its a good way to get involved with the community,” Toni said, “quick let’s go before she tries to give me another can of soup.”</p>
<p>Regan laughed as they ducked under the nearest canopy. </p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Shelby had spotted Toni run off with Regan in tow. Given she was making such a conscious effort to stay away from Toni it was ironic that she noticed her every move. She took a deep breath, pushing the jealousy down. The green monster had been rearing its head a lot recently and Shelby had began using all sorts of different techniques to quell it. The most recent being focusing on the future and college where hopefully she wouldn’t have to worry about seeing Toni ever again. Her family and her faith were not worth destroying. The fear of that was what gave Shelby the willpower not to give in. She prayed every night for God to continue giving her the strength to ignore her desires and to forgive her momentary weaknesses. It hadn’t been easy though. Sometimes she wondered if the sad look on Toni's face every time she’d ignored her was really what God wanted. </p>
<p>She followed her parents towards the main circle. They'd been told to set their camp chairs in the designated spectator area. Mrs Blackburn spotted Shelby as they got closer. She’d been directing various families to patches of available space.</p>
<p>“Shelby,” she waved, “it’s been a while. Come, there’s a spot over here.”</p>
<p>“Thank you Mrs Blackburn,” Shelby smiled, “that’s very kind of you.”</p>
<p>“Just to let you know it’s probably best to refrain from taking any photographs,” Martha's mom advised. Shelby's mom swiftly put her phone away in her handbag. </p>
<p>“We're due to start any minute so get yourselves comfortable.”</p>
<p>//</p>
<p>Toni cheered as Martha finished the jingle. She hadn’t put a single foot wrong nor looked out of place next to her older counterparts. Martha was grinning from ear to ear and feeding off the crowd's applause. Toni didn’t pay much attention as she was pulled up from her seat to form a huge circle around the dance area. She was too happy for Martha. The organisers ordered her to take the hand of the person next to her, forming a human chain. Toni watched as all sorts of townsfolk were added to the group. Her eyes fell on Shelby. One of the older elders was trying to convince her to join the circle, reaching for her hand. Shelby was shaking her head, trying her best to politely decline. She was ushered out of her seat by her mom. The elder pulled her out and along the human chain. Toni rolled her eyes as the elder took her hand away from the person next to her and pushed Shelby into the gap. Shelby wrapped her hand around Toni's, their fingers intertwined. It was the first time they’d touched each other since that night Toni realised. She squeezed Shelby's hand. Shelby looked over at her, biting her lip. Much to Toni's surprise Shelby squeezed her hand back, her thumb rubbing gently over Toni's. Toni hated herself for the butterflies that started dancing in her tummy.</p>
<p>Shelby followed Toni's lead as the dance began. All they had to do was stand still and bounce to the sounds of the drum. The experience was so new to Shelby she didn’t really know what to do with herself but she was having fun and Toni was making her feel at ease. She found herself glancing sideways at Toni every so often. The smile across her face was one of the things Shelby really liked about her. Not the smirk or the small smile when she was actually sad but the genuine one with all teeth. It made everyone around her want to smile too. There in the spring sunshine Shelby wasn’t sure if she ever wanted to let go of Toni's hand. Eventually though the drums closed out and Toni loosened her grip.</p>
<p>Toni wasn’t sure what to make of it as she sat back down. She’d thought all this time that Shelby had cut her out because she’d decided she didn’t like Toni. She'd figured it had been long enough for Shelby to try and figure things out in her head and that Shelby had come to the realisation that she didn’t actually like girls. The way she’d rubbed her thumb over Toni's suggested otherwise. There were too many thoughts going through her head to come up with a reasonable explanation. It had been months but Toni felt like she deserved some clarity.</p>
<p>As the Powwow came to a close and the spectators started to pack up Toni decided to take her opportunity. Just as Shelby's family were packing to leave Toni tapped Shelby on the shoulder. Shelby seemed surprised to see her.</p>
<p>“I know you've been avoiding me but can we talk?” Toni asked, her hands settling together behind her back.</p>
<p>Shelby’s dad was looking over at them with a strange look on his face. Toni tried to offer him a smile which he did not return.</p>
<p>“Ya'll go on home without me,” Shelby told her family, squeezing her younger brother's shoulder, “I'll be back before curfew.”</p>
<p>“Earlier please Shelby,” her Dad replied.</p>
<p>“I like how your accent gets stronger around your family,” Toni commented as the Goodkinds left.</p>
<p>“I guess I’m really living up to that Texas barbie doll image.”</p>
<p>“If we're comparing ourselves to dolls I'd say I’m more of a G.I. Jane.”</p>
<p>Shelby laughed. </p>
<p>“So,” Toni continued, “I just wondered how you were.”</p>
<p>Toni hated this. She just wanted to talk to Shelby properly without it being awkward. That morning when Shelby had stayed for breakfast it had been great and they'd gotten on so well. Toni was itching to know what had changed so much.</p>
<p>“Well I have more winter clothes now.”</p>
<p>“That figures.”</p>
<p>“What do you want Toni?” Shelby asked, cutting to the point. </p>
<p>“I want to know what’s going on. Why have you been avoiding me for months? I tell you I care and then it’s back to feeling like I don’t exist to you. If you don’t feel the same way then we could at least be friends. I know Martha misses you and whatever happened between us isn’t worth losing friends over.”</p>
<p>“I haven’t meant to hurt anyone,” Shelby said, looking genuinely sad, “I just can’t be around you Toni.”</p>
<p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p>
<p>“It means I’m afraid I won’t be able to stop myself.”</p>
<p>Toni had not expected that.</p>
<p>“I won’t lie Shelby, that’s kind of hot.”</p>
<p>Shelby was staring hard at the ground. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Toni properly. Her face was already warm with embarrassment. </p>
<p>“Don’t make this harder than it needs to be,” Shelby warned.</p>
<p>“I'm just happy to hear that you don’t think you would be able to keep your hands off me.”</p>
<p>“Shut up!” Shelby burst. Toni felt like a whip had been cracked as Shelby pushed her backwards up against the wooden support of the canopy. </p>
<p>“Woah, okay, calm down, I’m sorry!”</p>
<p>Shelby was surprisingly strong and Toni couldn’t get free of her grasp. She held up her arms in surrender. Toni could feel the eyes of lookers on watching them.</p>
<p>“Just leave me alone,” Shelby said through gritted teeth, “it’s better that way for both of us.”</p>
<p>“Alright, get off me.”</p>
<p>Shelby released her, spinning away with her palms to her head, looking up at the sky. </p>
<p>“Shelby, do you want to tell me what’s really going on?” </p>
<p>Shelby turned back around. Noticing the tears starting to form in her eyes Toni desperately wanted to reach out to her and comfort her.</p>
<p>“Can we go somewhere a little more private?” Shelby mumbled, wiping her face with the back of her hand, deflated.</p>
<p>“Sure, come on.”</p>
<p>Toni lead Shelby away from the main circle and into one of the unoccupied stalls. It was quiet with nobody around.</p>
<p>“I really didn’t want to hurt you,” Shelby started gushing, “how I’ve been treating you has nothing to do with how I feel about you. In fact every time I see you I just want to talk to you and I can’t stop thinking about that night when you rescued me from John. Please don’t think otherwise.”</p>
<p>“Alright Shelby,” Toni shrugged, “but if that’s how you feel I still don’t understand why you’re freezing me out.”</p>
<p>“If my family found out about how I am I'd lose everything,” Shelby said, starting to cry properly, “the whole reason we moved here was because I made a mistake. If I make another then that will be it. My parents would disown me before I have chance to go to college or move to the city.”</p>
<p>“You think it was a mistake?” Toni asked, struggling to hide the pain in her voice.</p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Shelby said, sinking to the ground with her head between her knees, “it didn’t feel like it.”</p>
<p>“I know you think God puts all these things in place to tempt us Shelby but don’t you think maybe being loved and loving someone shouldn’t be classed as a temptation? I mean isn’t love God's thing?” Toni asked, taking a seat next to Shelby. She cautiously wrapped her arm around Shelby's shoulders. Shelby let her.</p>
<p>“It’s not that simple. I’ve lost people I’ve cared about.”</p>
<p>“If the people you care about don’t accept you for who you are then they don’t really care about you.”</p>
<p>Shelby lifted her head. Tears were cascading down her cheeks.</p>
<p>“She died Toni.”</p>
<p>Toni gulped. All Toni wanted to do right then was hold her, wipe her tears away and tell her everything would be alright. She’d only ever seen a handful of people look so sad.</p>
<p>“Who died?” </p>
<p>“Becca, she drove out in her car and-"</p>
<p>Shelby was sobbing now, struggling to get her words out. Toni thought that perhaps Shelby had never really opened up about this to anyone before and that she was realising the grief for the first time. Toni didn’t press her.</p>
<p>“She took her own life Toni, and my Dad says it was a sin for her to do that, but I can’t help thinking how she felt in those last few moments. If she blamed me. She must have been so sad, I can’t imagine being that sad.”</p>
<p>Toni had no words. It was all she could do to pull Shelby over to her and wrap her arms around her. Shelby gripped tight, her tears wet against Toni's neck. Toni reached up and wiped her own nose. Silent tears fell from her chin. They sat there like that for what felt like an eternity.</p>
<p>“You know what Shelby, I get it, all of it,” Toni eventually said, absentmindedly stroking the inside of Shelby's wrist, “and if you want to stay away from me then I can deal. Just please don’t keep punishing yourself for something that wasn’t your fault. I don’t know much but I do know God is supposed to help you through those kinds of losses, not punish you.”</p>
<p>Shelby felt empty but in a good way. She hadn’t properly cried over Becca's death since it had happened. She hadn’t even allowed herself to at the funeral. It felt like a release. Her thoughts had swirled around so much in her head that they’d become a thick mud that she’d been unable to see through. Now, holding onto Toni, she felt calm. She had no urge to run.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” Shelby said, pulling away and patting Toni gently on the knee. </p>
<p>“Yeah, no problem,” Toni replied, using her jumper to wipe her eyes. She tried to reassemble herself but failed miserably.</p>
<p>“Sorry,” Toni chuckled, taking a deep breath, “making me soft.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think I do want to stay away from you,” Shelby replied, reaching out and wiping a tear from Toni's cheek.</p>
<p>“So what do you want to do?”</p>
<p>“This.”</p>
<p>Toni felt her stomach go fuzzy as Shelby's lips met hers. They were wet from the tears but warm and comforting. Shelby pulled back only slightly, her forehead resting gently against Toni's. </p>
<p>“Me too,” Toni breathed, taking Shelby's face in her hands before she kissed her again. Shelby laughed between kisses, as though there was a gigantic creature trying to claw its way out of her. The relief was indescribable. None of it felt wrong. She couldn’t stop smiling.</p>
<p>“Do you think maybe we could just stay here like this?” Shelby whispered as Toni's mouth started to explore her neck. It was highly distracting.</p>
<p>“I wish we could,” Toni replied, her warm breath tickling at where Shelby's neck gave way to her collarbone, “but you need to get home.”</p>
<p>Shelby pulled her phone out of her pocket. Toni was right; it was almost her curfew.</p>
<p>“Oh Lord,” Shelby panicked, standing up so swiftly Toni almost fell over. </p>
<p>“So I'll speak to you at school, right?” Toni asked, fiddling with a splinter on the canopy frame as she stood.</p>
<p>“Yes,” Shelby nodded, stuffing her phone back in her pocket. She kissed Toni briefly before running out the tent. </p>
<p>“Toni! We've been looking for you!” Martha shouted as Toni headed back towards the main circle. </p>
<p>“Sorry Martha, I was-"</p>
<p>“Why are you smiling so hard?”</p>
<p>“Oh,” Toni said, scratching her head, “it was just so good to see you perform Marty, you killed it.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Blankets and Pillows</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni did see Shelby in school the next day, and for the rest of the week. Martha was equally pleased with the 180° in Shelby's behaviour and all was completely forgiven between the pair when Shelby offered to do Martha's make up pageant style. Toni politely declined the offer. Toni could sense Shelby was still taking things slowly but the hugs that lasted a little too long and the occasional stroke of Shelby's fingers on her thigh under the table at lunch was all Toni could ask for. They went to the park one evening after school with Martha.</p><p>“Toni it’s not long until the deadline! You need to write your application,” Martha complained as they sat down on the picnic bench. Shelby positioned herself next to Toni with Martha opposite.</p><p>“I know, I’ve just got writer’s block.”</p><p>“Shelby tell her, this is important.”</p><p>“Toni you need to write that application,” Shelby nodded in agreement, “I've already sent all of mine off. I can help you if you want?”</p><p>Toni rolled her eyes. It was no surprise Shelby had already applied to all the best colleges. Toni assumed she’d be rolling up to an ivy league come September. Shelby noticed and hit her playfully on the upper arm.</p><p>“I'll do it this weekend, I promise.”</p><p>The conversation diverted as Martha started telling Shelby and Toni about a boy she'd met at the Powwow. He lived in the next town and was a year younger. Toni thought she remembered seeing them talking but wasn’t completely sure. She was surprised to hear that Martha had exchanged numbers and been texting him ever since.</p><p>“So he’s asked me to go to the movies tonight,” Martha finished. </p><p>Toni looked at Shelby who was beaming. She had grabbed Martha’s hands in excitement.</p><p>“You’ve got to go!” Shelby almost squealed. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Martha said, blushing, “I've never been out with a boy before. Shelby what do I do?”</p><p>Toni laughed. Shelby cast her a look that told her to shut up. Toni was amused that Martha was hoping Shelby could offer her advice on boys.</p><p>“You’ve just got to be yourself,” Shelby responded, “show him what a great person you are.”</p><p>Toni pretended to gag. Martha looked at her wide eyed.</p><p>“Sorry Marty,” Toni smiled, “just a joke. Shelby’s right really, you should just be yourself. He’s a lucky guy.”</p><p>“How are you going to get there?” Shelby asked, “do you need a ride?”</p><p>“I was going to ask my Mom.”</p><p>“No no let me take you!” </p><p>“You’ll have to let Shelby take you Marty, she might die if you don’t.”</p><p>Shelby nudged Toni under the table with her knee, signalling for her to behave.</p><p>“Okay,” Martha nodded, “ but Shelby can you help me get ready?”</p><p>“Am I not good enough?” Toni laughed.</p><p>“Of course,” Shelby said, ignoring Toni, “let’s go now so we can get you looking your best.”</p><p>//</p><p>“Don’t you love it when they grow up and fly the nest,” Toni grinned as she watched Martha bound up to the boy. She had informed them that his name was Henry. He looked really happy to see Martha which Toni felt was already a tick in the box.</p><p>“I hope she has fun,” Shelby said, smiling, “he looks nice.”</p><p>Toni turned around in her seat as Martha disappeared into the cinema. </p><p>“They'll be in there for at least two hours, what shall we do?” </p><p>“I have an idea.”</p><p>Shelby started the car up. Toni didn’t say anything as Shelby started driving out of town. As they got further out and the suburbs turned to fields Toni decided to ask where they were going.</p><p>“You'll see,” Shelby smiled, taking Toni's hand in hers and squeezing it. She kept their hands intertwined as the car started crawling up a steep incline. Eventually she pulled the car into a small deserted parking lot.</p><p>“Woah,” Toni exclaimed, jaw dropping. She threw the door open and ran over to the edge of the cliff face. The drop was huge but the view was beautiful. In the sky the sun was beginning to set. She spun around. Shelby had gotten out the car too and was opening the trunk. It was filled with blankets and pillows. Toni grinned as Shelby held up a carton of donuts and two bottles of Coke.</p><p>“When the hell did you have time to get all of this stuff?” Toni said, wrapping her arm around Shelby and kissing her on the cheek.</p><p>“I wanted to take you up here for a while so the blankets and pillows were all packed, and I just grabbed this stuff on the way over to pick you up.”</p><p>“Shelby this is like some sort of film, what the fuck.”</p><p>“Is that a good thing?” Shelby asked, looking concerned.</p><p>“It’s a great thing,” Toni beamed. She took one of the bottles from Shelby’s hand. </p><p>“Come on,” Toni continued, smiling at the blush that spread across Shelby's cheeks, “let’s get comfy.”</p><p>They took their time folding down the back seats and arranging the pillows and blankets. Toni found it hilarious that Shelby had to have things just right.</p><p>“I always thought you might be the kind of person to have a fuck load of pillows on your bed.”</p><p>“Am I really that obvious.”</p><p>“Far from it.”</p><p>Toni clambered in and pulled the blanket over her legs and stomach. Shelby followed, cuddling in close so Toni could wrap her arms round her arm and rest her head against Shelby's shoulder. Shelby started eating one of the donuts.</p><p>“You ever think the sunset is just the purest thing you ever saw?” Shelby said, licking the donut dusting from her fingers. </p><p>“Yeah, this one’s up there,” Toni replied, taking a sip from her drink.</p><p>“There was this one time, on that mission trip I told you about in Mexico, where Andrew and I watched the sunset together and, just before it went below the horizon, there was this incredible green flash. It was really beautiful.”</p><p>“I’ve never seen anything like that.”</p><p>“It really made me think, y'know, this world is so remarkable and we're just so lucky to be able to experience it.”</p><p>“Alright Shelby, I can’t touch the bottom.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“You're just going way deep on me here.”</p><p>“Oh, sorry,” Shelby said, shaking her head as if to snap herself out of it.</p><p>“No,” Toni chuckled, “I like it.” </p><p>Toni kissed Shelby gently at first. She’d been wanting to do it all week but this was the first time they’d been alone and where it had felt right. Shelby gave in and slowly the kiss grew with intensity. Toni bit Shelby's lip tenderly, eliciting a gasp. Spurred on Toni manoeuvred herself so she was leaning over Shelby, her leg positioned in between Shelby's legs. Shelby reached up and put her hands on Toni's neck before gradually moving them down to pull at the bottom of her shirt. Toni didn’t need to be told twice, she sat upwards, kneeling, and pulled her shirt over her head. No quicker had her top been removed than Shelby's lips were on Toni's stomach, teasing towards her waistband. Toni looked down at her, filled with yearning. She could feel her underwear getting wet and her body starting to quiver slightly under Shelby's touch. </p><p>“Jesus,” Toni breathed, reaching down and taking Shelby's top off for her. Shelby let Toni push her back down, grateful for Toni's thigh putting pressure between her legs. She had never ached like this before. It was like she wanted Toni to consume her.</p><p>Toni kept her lips on Shelby’s, using her fingers to slowly build up the tension, rubbing gently on Shelby's inner thigh.</p><p>“Toni,’ Shelby whispered, breathless. Toni continued. Shelby’s hips were starting to buck beneath her, signalling she was enjoying it. Toni couldn’t help herself. She pushed her hand down the front of her own jeans, feeling for the sensitive spot that she knew would relieve some of the pressure. Shelby watched her intensely. </p><p>“Woah,” Toni exhaled, feeling the tension release in momentary bliss. She realised she'd had her eyes closed. She opened them again, looking down at Shelby, suddenly embarrassed. Shelby was staring at her.</p><p>“Sorry,” Toni panicked, “I should have asked if it was ok for me to do that.”</p><p>“Could you-" Shelby began, stopped, then gathered herself, “could you show me how to do that for you?”</p><p>Toni had to admit she was surprised. The last time they’d almost gotten this far Shelby had been very firm about stopping.</p><p>“Oh, yeah, we'll just have to build it up again first,” Toni eventually managed.</p><p>It didn’t take long. Shelby seemed to take it as an invite to do whatever she pleased, not that Toni was about to argue. Shelby flipped Toni onto her back, her lips finding all the receptive areas she could find. It was though she was taking mental notes of what Toni responded to as she kept returning to the areas that provided the biggest reaction. As her mouth found Toni's nipple Toni groaned with pleasure.</p><p>“Shelby, I'm good,” she said. Shelby stopped what she was doing and allowed Toni to undo the button of her own jeans. </p><p>“Just take it slow,” Toni directed, “build the pressure and I’ll tell you if it’s working.”</p><p>Shelby nodded, her eyes dropping from Toni's face to look down between them. Her fingers slipped into Toni's underwear and it was all Toni could do not to make a sound. She closed her eyes as Shelby worked her magic.</p><p>“Is this ok?” Shelby asked, glancing back up at Toni. Toni gave a small hmm in response. Shelby decided it was a good thing. She leaned in and started kissing Toni again, hungry now. She pressed herself against Toni, trying to dull the ache between her legs and stem the building pressure. She pushed her fingers deeper into Toni's jeans, searching. Toni was wet and inviting. Not knowing if it was the right thing or not Shelby pushed her index slowly into Toni, curling it back towards her whilst still rubbing Toni's sensitive spot with her thumb.</p><p>Toni moaned, pitching upwards, satisfied. Shelby relaxed with her, pulling her hand gently from out of Toni's jeans.</p><p>“Was that right?” Shelby laughed, watching as Toni gulped her drink. She was trying desperately to regain her composure which Shelby thought cute.</p><p>“Uh huh,” Toni chuckled, feeling her neck grow hot, “you got it.”</p><p>Shelby's smile faltered and her eyes widened as she looked past Toni.</p><p>“What?” Toni said, fearful. She was worried Shelby had spotted somebody arriving in the parking lot.</p><p>“The time! Martha will be finished in ten minutes!” </p><p>“Don’t do that to me, I thought you'd seen somebody!”</p><p>“She's going to be waiting on us, what if the date didn’t go very well?” Shelby panicked, pulling her top back on and clambering over into the driver's seat. Toni shut the trunk and jumped into the passenger.</p><p>“Don’t worry she's a big girl, and honestly if it went half as well as this one then she'll be alright,” Toni said, cramming her bottle into the holder. Shelby looked very pleased as she turned on the ignition.</p><p>“Next time,” Shelby said, “do you think maybe you could do what I did to you to me?”</p><p>Toni was gobsmacked. She thought it insane that only a week ago Shelby had been completely ignoring her.</p><p>“I think we could try that,” Toni nodded, feeling hot under the collar all over again. </p><p>“Imagine if my Dad could see me now,” Shelby said.</p><p>Toni looked over at her. There was a smirk playing at Shelby's lips.</p><p>“Seriously?” </p><p>Shelby looked over at her and they couldn’t help it. The two of them descended into fits of laughter.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Kegball</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Toni was happier than she'd been in a long time. She felt settled for the first time in her life with what felt like a real home with people that cared about her. She was so grateful for Martha and her family. She’d never realised just how important that support system was. To say she was thriving was an understatement. Her school work was improving, her basketball form untouchable and she was able to manage her anger so unbelievably well that people she hardly knew actually made remarks about it. Most of all she was happy with Shelby. Although it sometimes bothered her that they weren’t able to be open about their relationship she could generally overlook it. Shelby had this incredible knack of making sure a group of people were having a good time. Toni didn’t know if it was because of the silly icebreakers that she pretended to hate or the fact Shelby was so unbelievably optimistic. Either way the evenings Toni spent in the park with Martha, Regan and Shelby were her favourite. Surprisingly even things with Regan were good. They’d both realised that being friends was a much better decision and Regan had starting dating again. Martha had been mystified when Toni had gotten excited about it.</p><p>And so, as Toni stared up at the Kohl Center, the basketball home of the University of Wisconsin, she felt a sense of loss.</p><p>“Can you imagine playing in there?” Shelby asked, breaking Toni from her reverie, “all those people cheering for you.”</p><p>“Yeah,” Toni replied, her voice small.</p><p>“Hey,” Shelby said, reaching out and squeezing the top of Toni's arm, “what's up?”</p><p>“This is just a lot. Moving here would seem like a lot.”</p><p>“I bet after the first couple of weeks you'll  be eating your words.”</p><p>There Shelby was again with the unwavering positivity. Toni had submitted her application the previous week and the University had invited her to visit almost immediately. When Toni had mentioned it to Shelby she’d been adamant that she had to go and that Shelby would even drive her. Somehow Shelby had convinced her family that it was a great opportunity to check out her options in case her other applications failed. Even if they did, which was highly unlikely, Toni was sure Shelby's parents would be shipping her off to the South before considering any schools in the Midwest. They mustn't have been too aggravated by the idea though as Shelby's dad had forked out on hotel rooms for them, albeit separate ones. Tomorrow Toni was due to get the full tour of the facilities but it had been Shelby's idea to explore on their own first. She’d said it would give Toni a better feel for the place.</p><p>“I suppose we'll see inside it tomorrow,” Toni said, “shall we go and see what else this place has.”</p><p>“I read there’s this donut shop where you can get them for like a dollar.”</p><p>“What is it with you and donuts?”</p><p>“Come on, let’s just go there and get some coffee before we walk around,” Shelby said. Toni agreed reluctantly. The more she thought about it the more she thought all of this was a bad idea.</p><p>As Toni stepped out of the bakery she almost crashed into a guy that looked a little worse for wear. His shirt was stained with beer and he smelled of sweat.</p><p>“Hey girls,” he said, closing one of his eyes to try and focus on them, “how you doing?”</p><p>“Is this not a little early?” Shelby asked, frowning.</p><p>A girl came racing round the corner, relief flooding her face as she spotted the guy.</p><p>“Kevin leave them alone!” she said, grabbing him and pulling him out the way, “sorry, he wasn’t bothering you was he?”</p><p>“Yes,” Toni said.</p><p>“Not at all,” Shelby interjected, shooting a glare at Toni, “we just wondered what's going on?”</p><p>“Kegball tournament,” the girl shrugged, as if that were all the explanation needed.</p><p>Toni and Shelby looked at each other, confused.</p><p>“You guys have never played kegball?”</p><p>The girl looked genuinely horrified as Toni shook her head.</p><p>“You’ve got to come play then! Ignore Kevin, he’s always a mess, I promise it’s really fun. Free beer.”</p><p>Toni looked at Shelby. She could tell Shelby was in two minds. Toni thought perhaps Shelby had planned a whole day for them to visit everything she thought Toni might find interesting and that that was under threat of being ruined.</p><p>“Shelby we don’t have to-"</p><p>“No, come on, why not, let’s go play.”</p><p>The girl beamed, clapping her hands.</p><p>The rules of kegball were simple. There are two kegs, one at second base, one at fourth. Every player has a cup and the cup must remain at least half full at all times. Upon reaching a base a player must fill up their cup and, if they spill any between bases, must down the entire contents before refilling. The kicker is rolled the ball to kick it as far as they can to try and get around as many bases as possible. The fielders, on the opposing team, upon catching the ball would throw it at the kicker with the aim of not just knocking them out but spilling their drink. All while holding their own cups and keeping them half full as they tried to catch the ball. If you drop your cup completely, you’re out.</p><p>Toni couldn’t lie, she was stoked. Mixing alcohol with sport just made sense to her. She could tell Shelby was a little more on the fence.</p><p>“Lord what are we doing?” Shelby questioned as one of the guys filled up her cup. </p><p>“Shelby, have you ever had a beer before?”</p><p>“No,” Shelby laughed, “but I guess I’m in the habit of trying new things and disappointing my Dad lately.”</p><p>“Cheers to that,” the cup filler laughed, tapping his own cup against Shelby's. </p><p>They spent hours out on the field playing game after game. Toni had never laughed so much, particularly when Shelby's cup had been knocked from her hand so hard that beer had splashed all over her face. She didn’t know if it was the beer but Shelby had found it hilarious too, quite literally dropping to the floor laughing. As the final game was announced it was late in the afternoon. When they were invited back to one of the players’ houses Shelby and Toni couldn’t help but stumble as they climbed up the porch and sunk into the hanging seat.</p><p>“You guys look wasted,” the girl who had invited them to play said as she approached.</p><p>“How’s Kevin?” Toni asked.</p><p>“He’s sleeping,” the girl shrugged, “he always takes it a bit too far. You should have seen him at Mifflin last year.”</p><p>Again Toni and Shelby were confused.</p><p>“Do you even go to school here?” the girl laughed.</p><p>“I might,” Toni shrugged, “I’ve been offered a basketball scholarship.”</p><p>“No way! You’ve got to take it!”</p><p>“This is what I’ve been telling her,” Shelby sighed, her head dropping heavily on Toni's shoulder.</p><p>“See, even your girlfriend thinks so.”</p><p>Shelby became instantly alert. She felt Toni tense up next to her.</p><p>“Don’t worry, I just have a knack for picking up on these things, if it matters I think you're both really cute together, enjoy the party!”</p><p>The girl sauntered off. Shelby was panicking. She wasn’t sure if it was because the beer was making her head all fuzzy but she suddenly had an irrational fear that somehow her Dad knew what she was doing. Toni could feel Shelby's fingers digging into her arm.</p><p>“Ow, you're hurting me.”</p><p>“Toni can we go back to the hotel, please?”</p><p>The sense of urgency in Shelby's voice persuaded Toni not to argue. She nodded and they left the party immediately. Luckily the hotel was only two blocks away. All the way there Shelby was walking so fast that Toni almost had to run to keep up.</p><p>“Shelby wait, what’s going on?”</p><p>“She could tell!”</p><p>“So what? We're never going to see her again.”</p><p>Shelby ground to a halt, exasperated. </p><p>“But if it was so obvious to her then what if it’s obvious to people back home.”</p><p>“Is that really such a bad thing?”</p><p>Shelby groaned, frustrated. She kept walking.</p><p>“Sorry, I didn’t mean that, I just meant-"</p><p>“I don’t care what you meant Toni, you know I'd love to be able to be open to everyone about us but you also know exactly why I can’t.”</p><p>“Yes, exactly, I do know that. Just calm down Shelby, I think maybe we’ve just had a bit too much to drink.”</p><p>They rounded the corner of the hotel. Shelby gathered herself enough to collect the key cards. She took her suitcase from the holding area and made her way towards the room. Toni could barely keep up as she grabbed her backpack and chased after her. Shelby swiped her key and let herself in, turning on the light switch.</p><p>“Shelby come on, we've had such a great day.”</p><p>In answer Shelby held out the other key card. Toni looked at it, realising what it meant. She gulped, feeling tears prick at her eyes. It felt like a blow to the chest. Toni took the card and backed out the room. </p><p>“I’m sorry,” Shelby said, “I'll see you in the morning.”</p><p>With that the door was shut in Toni's face.</p><p>//</p><p>Toni slept fitfully. She had found herself crying when she'd gotten into the room and it had taken a while for it to stop. After that she'd just been angry. She'd punched her pillow and when that hadn’t been enough she'd thrown the little guidebook at the wall and kicked the side of the wardrobe. The pain in her foot had been enough to make her collapse in a heap on the bed, exhausted. The alcohol thankfully made her drift off faster than usual. She awoke to a heavy banging on the door. Her first thought was that it must be morning but there was no light coming through behind her curtains. Toni rubbed her face as she switched on the bedside light. She pulled herself to the door and opened it on the latch.</p><p>Shelby was stood on the other side, bouncing from foot to foot, her hands clasped nervously in front of her. She was looking everywhere but at Toni.</p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“To say I’m sorry,” Shelby said softly, “it was a knee jerk reaction and I’m still trying to make sense of all of this. Can I come in?”</p><p>Toni shut the door, took a deep breath and then opened it wide. She left it open and returned to her bed, pulling the covers over herself and lying down. She could sense Shelby standing awkwardly by the television.</p><p>“Toni, I-"</p><p>“Just get in, we'll talk about it in the morning,” Toni replied, cutting her off.</p><p>Shelby breathed out a sigh of relief. She climbed in next to Toni, cuddling in close and wrapping her arm around her.</p><p>“You smell of beer,” Toni muttered. She didn’t want to stop being angry at Shelby but as her breathing slowed and her arm became heavy around her, signalling that Shelby had fallen asleep, Toni felt herself relax. She slept well for the rest of the night.</p><p>//</p><p>Toni woke up to the sound of the shower going in the bathroom. She checked the time on her phone. The tour was due to start in a couple of hours so she figured they'd have plenty of time for breakfast. She grabbed her phone and started scrolling through. There was a text from Martha with a photo attached. Toni smiled as she opened it. It was of Martha and Henry at the bowling alley. They’d been seeing each other regularly and Toni really liked him. He treated Martha like she was the best person in the world which Toni could only agree with. She was just in the middle of texting back when Shelby appeared from the bathroom wearing nothing but a towel, her hair wet and face bare. Toni’s eyes widened.</p><p>“Do you want to talk about last night?” Shelby asked, making sure the towel was fixed tight. Toni dropped her phone and scuttled to the end of the bed. </p><p>Since the date in Shelby's car the two of them had found various ways of being alone but it had always been rushed or they'd been worried they’d be caught. Right now there was no chance of that.</p><p>Shelby stepped forward. She drifted the tips of her fingers slowly down Toni's bare arm, watching herself do it. Toni was struggling to concentrate.</p><p>“I just wanted you to know that I'm really sorry, Toni,” Shelby continued, “I got paranoid and I hate that. The sneaking around isn’t something I enjoy and Lord I wish I could have told that girl that you were my-"</p><p>Toni looked up at her. She was beautiful without all her makeup. Her hair was dripping so that rivulets of water were soaking into the top of her towel. Toni couldn’t keep her eyes off her.</p><p>“My girlfriend,” Shelby finished, nodding. It felt like it had taken a lot for her to get the words out but once she did, and they hung there for a moment, she felt relief. She was surprising even herself by how, slowly but surely, the shame she felt was starting to dissipate with each passing week she spent with Toni.</p><p>“I get it, Shelby,” Toni nodded, “but sometimes I struggle with all this sneaking around. I’m proud of who I am and who I'm with so it feels like I shouldn’t keep that hidden away.”</p><p>“I suppose we're at an impasse.”</p><p>“We don’t have to think about that right now,” Toni replied, placing her hands on Shelby's waist and pulling her gently towards her. Shelby kissed her.</p><p>“Do I not smell of beer anymore?” she laughed. </p><p>“No,” Toni smiled. Shelby started moving her lips down Toni's neck as she always did. This was how it often started in these moments. Toni was highly aware that beneath the towel there was nothing, just Shelby. It made her all the more on edge. They fell back on to the bed. Toni chuckled as Shelby's hair dripped on her.</p><p>“Oh sorry,” Shelby said, throwing her hair out the way. Toni helped by rolling her on to her back. </p><p>“That’s better,” Toni said. Shelby's lips were soft and tasted different to usual. Toni preferred it. Her tongue drifted into Shelby's mouth, teasing her.</p><p>“You look beautiful,” Toni said, pulling back. Her fingers lay gently on the knot in Shelby's towel. Shelby glanced down then nodded. Toni unwrapped it, pulling the towel away, letting out a noise Shelby could only think of as approval. Shelby watched as Toni made her way downwards, her hand starting to play between Shelby's legs. Shelby's hand furled around the bed sheets and she let out a moan. </p><p>“Do you mind if I try something?” Toni asked, pausing just below Shelby's belly button.</p><p>“No, keep going,” Shelby breathed, she didn’t want Toni to stop.</p><p>Shelby felt herself gasp in air as Toni's lips found her sensitive spot. She felt herself buck upwards as Toni started to suck, her tongue working gently and then firmly against Shelby's most tender area. The taste of Shelby filled Toni's senses, making her own underwear wet. Shelby was providing sounds that only added to the build up. Toni slipped her hand down her own pyjama bottoms, getting herself off.</p><p>They kept going, release after release, until Toni's jaw couldn’t take it anymore and she crawled upwards, flopping down next to Shelby.</p><p>“That was-" Shelby couldn’t find the words as she held her hands in front of her face, shaking them as if holding a ball. Toni loved the way she always tried to use her gestures to explain her feelings.</p><p>“Really good,” Toni said. Shelby nodded.</p><p>“Come on, we need to get ready for this tour,” Toni continued.</p><p>//</p><p>It was dark by the time they got back to Minnesota. The tour had gone well and if Toni was being honest she’d actually gotten quite excited at some points. Particularly the walk along the Terrace as she’d allowed herself to imagine sitting there drinking beer and laughing with her friends. Although, given how strict the basketball team seemed, she might not really be drinking all that much.</p><p>Shelby had been quiet the whole drive home despite Toni teasing her to try and draw her out of her own head. As always, Toni knew not to push it. Whatever Shelby was figuring out in her mind she’d get there. </p><p>“See you tomorrow,” Shelby smiled, giving Toni's hand a squeeze. </p><p>“Thanks for this weekend.”</p><p>Shelby nodded as Toni got out the car, watching her as she walked up the path to Martha's house. She'd loved seeing Toni get excited about college but selfishly Shelby didn’t want this school year to end. She was actually happy and felt more like the person she was supposed to be with every passing day. Most surprising she felt as though it was only her relationship with her father that was eroding and not the one with God. She stopped fiddling with her necklace and restarted the ignition.</p><p>Toni waved back at Shelby as she drove away. She couldn’t wait to get inside and tell Martha all about the trip. She practically burst into the front room.</p><p>“Marty, you'll never guess-" </p><p>Toni stopped, her backpack dropping to the floor by her side. Martha's mom was looking at her with a reproachful look on her face. Toni felt anger start to flare up in her tummy, making her hands shake. She stared at the woman sat in the armchair.</p><p>“Hey Toni,” the woman said.</p><p>“Hi Mom.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Trojan Horse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“I'm sorry Toni, she refused to leave,” Martha's mom said, looking anxious.</p><p>Toni took her jacket off, trying her very best to push away the building rage that threatened to undo her. </p><p>“You're still wearing my coat,” Toni's mom remarked. She looked thinner than Toni remembered, her jaw more pronounced and her wrists tiny. Her dark brown hair, the same colour as Toni’s, fell loosely around her shoulders. </p><p>“You don’t look very well,” Toni said, perching on the window sill. She wanted to keep her distance so that she could keep herself reined in.</p><p>“It’s been really hard,” Toni's mom replied, turning to face her with her hands resting on the arm of the chair. </p><p>“I'll bet.”</p><p>Toni didn’t know what to do. She wanted to break something. Her mom showing up like this out of the blue was unexpected and she was trying her best to resist the urge to shout all sorts of curse words at her. All Toni's life they had gone through cycles. Her mom would be better and would stop using for a bit, maximum four months, before she relapsed and Toni was put with a new foster family. Often, if it weren’t one of her mom's new boyfriends, it was Toni that found her unconscious and would be ringing the ambulance. For a nine year old kid that was a lot to deal with. By the time Toni was thirteen she was no longer allowed to stay with her mom and only ever saw her one afternoon at a time. All the while she was bounced around from foster home to foster home and none of them had ever given a shit. If it weren’t for Martha Toni really wasn’t sure where she would be. Therefore, Toni decided, she had a right to be angry about her mom showing up again after almost a year. </p><p>“Honestly I thought you’d be happier to see me.”</p><p>Toni pitched forward; a match lit. She got up in her mom's face, spitting venom.</p><p>“Happy?” she said, “why the fuck would I be happy to see you. You fucking vanished, again. I didn’t even know which rehab centre you checked into this time.”</p><p>“Toni, calm down,” Martha's mom placated, taking her shoulders and ushering her backwards.</p><p>“No, I will not calm down!” Toni snarled, brushing Martha's mom away, “how dare she come here like everything is fine. You know Mom I used to feel sorry for you, because it’s an illness right? This fucking  addiction is an illness. Damn straight it is but you could at least be sorry about how you make me feel! Do you not see what you do to people? You're like a fucking hurricane, destroying everything in your path.”</p><p>“Toni, I really don’t think-" </p><p>“And you’re not Toni?” Toni's mom asked, her voice pointed. </p><p>Toni melted, her anger dissipating as she fell back on the couch, crying. Martha's mom stared at her then turned on Toni's mom, her face venomous.</p><p>“You don’t get to say that to her,” Martha's mom said, her voice hard. Toni stopped to watch as Mrs Blackburn walked over to her mom and grabbed her wrist, pulling her up from the armchair. Her mom looked startled.</p><p>“Toni is a great kid, and you are the poison. She has a right to be angry at you and at the world for the cards she was dealt. You abandoning her time and time again and then having the nerve to come into my house and accuse her of the same crap you pull is a disgrace. Get yourself cleaned up and treat people with respect because all they've ever wanted to do was help you. I don’t expect to see you again unless Toni specifically asks.”</p><p>Toni watched open mouthed as her mom was frog marched to the door and practically pushed out of the house. Martha's mom brushed her hands on her jeans and came back into the room.</p><p>“I’m sorry Toni, I just-"</p><p>Mrs Blackburn didn’t get to finish her sentence as Toni jumped on her, arms wrapping around her neck. Martha's mom let out a surprised gasp but hugged Toni back fiercely. Toni had never had an adult stand up for her like that, ever. To have somebody who cared about her was genuinely overwhelming.</p><p>“Thank you,” Toni whispered, holding tight. Nobody other than Martha had ever legitimised Toni’s anger before. The gratefulness she had for Martha's mom had somehow doubled, if that were even possible. Martha's mom let Toni hug her for as long as she needed before they sat down on the couch.</p><p>“I don’t hate her, y'know,” Toni said, her knee pulled up to her chin.</p><p>“Sometimes it’s the people we really love that we hate the most,” Martha's mom replied, “you can feel both towards the same person.”</p><p>“Every time I think it’s going to be different, that she really has cleaned up her act, and every time I'm wrong.”</p><p>“She does care about you Toni, she just has a lot of demons.”</p><p>“Don’t we all?”</p><p>“That's true,” Mrs Blackburn nodded, “and I suppose we all have to decide who's worth fighting those demons with.”</p><p>//</p><p>Shelby opened her suitcase on the bed. She was the type of person to unpack as soon as she arrived back from somewhere. She was folding her jumper into her drawers when her mom came into her bedroom.</p><p>“How was Madison? I’ve heard the lakes are pretty?” she asked, helping Shelby put her clothes away.</p><p>“Yes, they're beautiful. The tour guide said that in the winter you can walk right across.”</p><p>“That sounds real nice, did your friend like it?”</p><p>“She did, I think she'll go there in the fall.”</p><p>“You know your Dad has some thoughts about her.”</p><p>Shelby dropped the trousers she’d been putting back. She refused to look at her mom at the risk of giving something away.</p><p>“Yeah? Like what?”</p><p>“He’s heard stories around town about her. I’ve heard stories. Is she really the kind of person you should be associating yourself with?”</p><p>Shelby had to remind herself that her mom really did think she was acting out of concern for Shelby's welfare.</p><p>“If you thought that then why did you let me go to Madison with her?”</p><p>“Your Dad and I may have our beliefs but we are not beyond charity. Those who are generous to the poor lend to the Lord.”</p><p>“Toni doesn’t need your charity,” Shelby replied, trying to keep her cool, “she is rich in the ways that the Lord cares about. You would know that if you cared to meet her.”</p><p>Shelby's mom faltered. Her daughter had rarely, if ever, spoken to her in that way before.</p><p>“All I'm saying is to be careful,” Shelby's mom eventually said, “we moved here for a new start and your father and I only want what is best for you.”</p><p>Shelby was concerned about whether her parents suspected anything. It seemed that they didn’t and that they merely had problems with Toni's upbringing and whatever else they had heard about her. Still, it made Shelby wary. After various dates with boys over the winter she had managed to convince her Dad that what had happened with Becca was truly a one time thing. She didn’t want him thinking anything different, not yet. Shelby would be lying if she said she wasn't infuriated by her mom's opinions. She’d always thought her parents were never wrong but their determination to maintain their perfect life with perfect friends and a perfect home was starting to frustrate Shelby. It all felt so fake. Her Mom was constantly miserable and her Dad treated exercise like a drug. Their family was far from perfect.</p><p>“In saying that,” Shelby's mom continued, completely unaware of Shelby's rising disdain, “I think you should start thinking about doing pageants again. Meet some friends that are more like us.”</p><p>“If you think so,” Shelby conceded. She just wanted her Mom to leave.</p><p>“Wonderful! We'll go shopping next weekend. Your father will be pleased.”</p><p>// </p><p>When Shelby got to school on Monday she didn’t see Toni all morning. Nor did she see her at lunch. She caught Lauren in the corridor.</p><p>“Have you seen Toni today?” </p><p>“Did you not hear?” Lauren asked, looking concerned. </p><p>“No, what is it?” Shelby asked, a little fearful.</p><p>“I’m not completely sure, something to do with her mom, Martha’s mom called the coach and said Toni wouldn’t be here this week for practice.”</p><p>Shelby felt panicked. She needed to find Regan. She headed towards the library, her pace quickening. Regan was sat alone, staring out the window. Her head snapped around as Shelby stormed in.</p><p>“Do you know what’s happened to Toni?”</p><p>“Martha didn’t tell you?” Regan asked, eyebrows raised, “Toni’s mom showed up. Overdosed last night. The doctors got to her in time but she’s still in the ICU.”</p><p>Shelby took a step back, her palms going to her head. She couldn’t quite believe what she was hearing. Her heart was hammering in her chest and her knees felt weak.</p><p>“Shelby, I think you need to sit down,” Regan said, concerned.</p><p>Shelby shook her head, refusing. She didn’t understand why she hadn’t been contacted. Surely Toni would want to talk to her about this. To have her there. Mostly she wanted to know that Toni was alright. She couldn’t imagine how she was feeling right now.</p><p>“I need to go and see her,” Shelby said, “I need to.”</p><p>“No, Toni's a private person, this is her personal shit, the only person she'll want to see right now is Martha.”</p><p>“You don’t understand.”</p><p>“Yes, I do.”</p><p>Something in Regan's voice made Shelby sit down. She’d forgotten that at one point Regan had felt the same way about Toni as she did. Maybe even still did. Shelby wasn’t alone in how she felt right then. No wonder Regan had looked so despondent when she’d been staring out the window. It comforted Shelby a little.</p><p>“You ever just feel so helpless?” Shelby said, her fingertips running along a groove somebody had left in the desk.</p><p>“That’s kind of Toni's thing. She’s got walls built around her heart like it’s fucking Troy. If she’s struggling she’ll get angry or freeze you out. God forbid you try to actually care.”</p><p>“Why?”</p><p>“Do you want me to be honest Shelby?”</p><p>Shelby nodded.</p><p>“Toni is so protective of everyone she cares about, hell she’d kill someone just for looking at Martha in the wrong way, and she’s so loyal you could break her heart into a million pieces and she’d still be your friend at the end of it.”</p><p>Regan gave a small smile before continuing. Shelby could tell she had been referencing herself.</p><p>“On the flip of that coin she pushes everybody away because she doesn’t want anyone she cares about to feel the pain she feels or to risk hurting them. In her own strange way she’s protecting you right now.”</p><p>It made some sense to Shelby. In fact hadn’t she done the same to Toni, albeit somewhat a little more selfishly.</p><p>“So what should I do?”</p><p>“The girl is crazy about you,” Regan shrugged, “you might be her Trojan horse.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Just a Greek history joke,” Regan chuckled.</p><p>“No, I get that, I meant her being crazy about me.”</p><p>“Jeez don’t make me say it twice,” Regan said, “I see the way you both look at each other.”</p><p>“I-"</p><p>“It’s alright Shelby, it's cool.”</p><p>“I really care about her.”</p><p>“I know.”</p><p>//</p><p>Shelby tried to call Toni but it went straight to voicemail. She wasn’t answering any of her messages either. Shelby found herself staring into space the majority of the time. She couldn’t concentrate on anything and when the teacher called on her she couldn’t provide a response. When she got home that evening she was quiet at dinner, pushing her food around the plate with her fork but not actually eating much.</p><p>“What's wrong baby girl?” her Dad asked, the table going quiet.</p><p>“It’s nothing,” Shelby said, staring hard at her plate. </p><p>“It doesn’t seem like nothing.”</p><p>“School stuff,” Shelby said, glancing up at her Dad, “don’t worry.”</p><p>“Well I hope you're still getting those grades,” her Dad smiled, standing from the table and disappearing into the hall. He returned with two envelopes in his hand.</p><p>Shelby knew exactly what they were from the logos in the top corner. The results of her college applications.</p><p>“Looks like we've got Stanford and Brown right here,” her Dad said excitedly, placing the envelopes in front of Shelby, “let’s open them.”</p><p>Shelby knew this was supposed to be a big deal and that she should be nervous and excited but she wasn’t. Not when she was sure Toni was currently worried about whether or not her mom would make it through the night. Shelby could tell her Dad had taken notice of her lack of energy.</p><p>“Come on Shelby, this is a big deal!”</p><p>“Yeah,” Shelby nodded, trying to gee herself up as she took the first envelope. She looked at the front as she opened it with her thumb. Brown's. Her family watched her in anticipation. She pulled the letter out and read through it quickly.</p><p>“I didn’t get it,” she said quietly, pushing the letter back inside the envelope. Her Dad took it from her, reading for himself.</p><p>“Don’t worry Shelby, let’s see the next one,” her mom said, looking warily at her father.</p><p>Shelby took the next envelope. She was nervous now but not about the outcome. It was more to do with how her Dad would respond. She pulled the letter out and her hand clapped to her mouth, trying to stifle a laugh. </p><p>“You got it?” her Dad exclaimed. The thrilled look on his face dropped as Shelby shook her head, putting the letter down. She was still struggling not to laugh.</p><p>“No,” Shelby said. She wasn’t sure why she was laughing. She supposed it was all the nervous energy coming out. She didn’t want to admit that she was relieved. Ivy League had not been her dream; it had been her father's. She was smart but she wasn’t competitive and the ivy league or Stanford environment had never really appealed. With Brown being one of the easier ones to secure a place at she was positive she would be rejected from them all and Shelby was happy about it.</p><p>“This is not a laughing matter,” her Dad said, his voice stiff, “this is extremely disappointing.”</p><p>Previously Shelby would have thought disappointing her Dad was the worst thing she could possibly ever do. Now, with Toni's situation and the thought of Becca at the front of her mind, she barely cared.</p><p>“Dad it’s not the end of the world-"</p><p>Shelby was cut off as her Dad's hand slammed down on the dining table. Her brother jumped out of his skin.</p><p>“You have been spending too much time with that Toni girl, you have forgotten your purpose.”</p><p>“Dad, my grades haven’t dropped, my friends have nothing to do with this.”</p><p>“Dave, I don’t think we need to punish Shelby right now, I'm sure she is very disappointed.”</p><p>“Perhaps we should trust in God's plan for me,” Shelby said. She felt like it was a risky move that her Dad would take one of two ways. Luckily he backed down.</p><p>“You're right Shelby,” her Dad nodded, “and you still have a few outcome letters to come. Now, go and get ready for a run, you haven’t been in a few days.”</p><p>Shelby needed the run if she were honest. The comfort of her feet hitting the pavement and her breathing being so laboured it was the only thing she could think about let her get out of her own head. She pushed herself hard, sprinting into the park, her legs and lungs burning. She refused to stop as she crested the hill. Sweat was dripping down the back of her neck and she could see her breath in front of her. The sight of the basketball court ground her to a halt. Shelby heaved in, desperate for oxygen. She found herself wandering to the court and slumping to the floor with her back against the pole of the hoop. She was shaking with the exerted effort. She tried to settle her hands by pushing them under her armpits but to no avail. Her whole body was convulsing. She coughed, feeling her teeth dislodge. She took them out, turning the flipper over and over in her hands. </p><p>Nobody but her family knew about her teeth. It was genetic, she'd been told. Her baby teeth had fallen out and the two that were supposed to replace them just didn’t exist. Shelby longed for the time when that was her biggest problem. She squirted her water bottle over the flipper and pushed it back into her mouth. Her head fell back gently against the pole. The stars were out and shining brightly above her and she could see the big dipper. For some reason, here on the basketball court, she felt closer to Toni than she’d felt all day. Her mind drifted to their first kiss. At how terrified she'd been. It seemed silly to Shelby now as she looked up at the sky for surely God had created such a beautiful, vast and diverse universe for a purpose way beyond her. She was a small piece in the fabric of God's great vision and all she had to do was live happily and love freely, no matter what that looked like, as long as she didn’t intentionally hurt anybody in the process. She sat there until her breathing slowed and goose bumps started to creep across her skin. It seemed as though something had been resolved as she pulled herself to her feet and ran home. </p><p>//</p><p>Shelby didn’t try and contact Toni again. She figured when Toni was ready she’d reach out to her. On one evening she'd stopped by the Blackburn house and left a multipack of Toni's favourite chips and   couple of orange Gatorades on the doorstep but hadn’t knocked. When she drove by the following day she was pleased to see they’d been picked up. </p><p>It started getting lonely at school. She had other friends but it felt like she’d regressed a few months back to when she’d been adamantly keeping herself to herself. She was grateful when Regan sat down opposite her at lunch one day.</p><p>“How are you doing?” Regan asked, pulling out her sandwiches.</p><p>“Not bad,” Shelby said, her lips turning upwards at the corners slightly, “have you heard from her?”</p><p>Regan knew that not bad for Shelby, given her unwavering positivity, actually meant pretty terrible. Shelby rubbed at her eyes. They were red and she was bare faced which Regan had never seen before.</p><p>“Nothing,” Regan replied, “although my mom heard a rumour that Toni's mom had been moved out of the ICU.”</p><p>“That's a good sign,” Shelby nodded. She was slightly relieved but not completely. She longed to see Toni. It was eating her up inside and grew worse every day.</p><p>As she peeled open her banana her phone buzzed in her pocket. Her face grew warm and her heart beat a little faster. She had set her phone only to vibrate for one person. Shelby pulled it out frantically.</p><p>
  <i> I'm sorry I’ve been AWOL. Come and see me tomorrow? <i></i></i>
</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Broken Glass</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby’s palms were clammy on the steering wheel as she headed over to see Toni. She'd struggled to sleep the night before and her limbs were heavy. Her mom had been a little disappointed that Shelby had blown off their shopping trip but seemed to understand Shelby wasn't in the best of moods. Perhaps it was the fact her eyes had huge black circles under them and she'd refused to wear make up all week. Thankfully Shelby's mom assumed it was because of the results of her college applications. Shelby thought trying to talk to her parents about the real reason would not only raise suspicion but be too painful. When she pulled up at the Blackburn house and approached the front door she was shivering. It took all her courage to knock.</p><p>Martha answered.</p><p>“Hey Shelby,” she said, “you don’t look so good.”</p><p>“Hi Martha, you're not the first person to say that this week.”</p><p>Shelby's chest felt tight and she was struggling to breathe. The fact Martha seemed calm did alleviate some of Shelby's concern. Martha ushered Shelby inside. Mrs Blackburn was sat in the front room. She looked as tired as Shelby felt.</p><p>“Hi Shelby, Toni said you'd be round this morning, she'll be happy to see you.”</p><p>“Where is she?”</p><p>Shelby had visions of Toni locked in her bedroom, wrapped under the covers and unwilling to see or talk to anybody.</p><p>“She's taking a shower,” Martha replied.</p><p>Shelby sat down. The three of them engaged in a little small talk. Shelby could tell neither of the others wanted to talk about Toni's mom. They clearly knew it was Toni's story to share. Martha seemed keen to go back to school on Monday which seemed to bode well.</p><p>“Hey.”</p><p>Toni stood in the doorway awkwardly. She looked dreadful. Her olive skin was pale and her lips chapped. Her eyes were rimmed red and her nose looked sore. Shelby stood; her legs were like lead.</p><p>“Why don’t you both go upstairs,” Mrs Blackburn said, “I'll bring you up some coffee.”</p><p>Shelby followed Toni as she headed back upstairs. In Martha's room Toni folded herself up on the mattress on the floor. Shelby perched herself on the end of Martha's bed. There didn’t seem to merely be a physical space between them but an emotional chasm. Shelby couldn’t find any words.</p><p>“So you look like crap,” Toni eventually said, her voice hoarse.</p><p>“So do you,” Shelby replied, beating herself up for the words as soon as they left her mouth. Much to her relief Toni chuckled.</p><p>“I guess I really do.”</p><p>“Is your mom- is she ok?”</p><p>“Shelby you don’t need to do this,” Toni said, “you don’t need to pity me.”</p><p>“That’s not what this is.”</p><p>“Well they say she will be. She's getting discharged on Tuesday and she's going to another facility. There’s some money that the affairs council have set aside to fund it,” Toni said.</p><p>Shelby tried to read Toni's face but she was keeping it blank. Usually Toni wore all her emotions on her sleeve and it unnerved Shelby that now she seemed so calm and detached about something that had clearly impacted her. They were interrupted as Mrs Blackburn delivered their coffees. Once alone again Shelby had had enough time to gather her thoughts.</p><p>“I was really worried about you.”</p><p>“Thanks for the Takis and Gatorade,” Toni replied, fiddling with the bottom of her trousers, “but this wasn’t a big deal.”</p><p>“How can you say that?”</p><p>“My mom does this. It’s happened before.”</p><p>“Toni, please don’t freeze me out, your mom nearly died. I want you to talk to me about this. I promise I'm not going to leave. You can get angry or throw things or shout at me but I’m not going anywhere.”</p><p>Toni visibly softened. Still she did not respond.</p><p>“Why did you invite me over?” Shelby asked, scratching at her jeans. </p><p>“I don’t know.”</p><p>“Well I guess I'll just stay until you figure it out.”</p><p>Shelby finished her dregs of coffee and lay back on Martha's bed, staring at the ceiling. She was very aware of Toni sat on the mattress below her but she tried her best to remain calm and to seem collected as though Toni's behaviour didn’t phase her. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Toni messing with her blanket and pulling the threads loose. </p><p>“I don’t know why I invited you round,” Toni said after what felt like an age, “I guess I missed you.”</p><p>“I missed you too,” Shelby replied, her eyes still fixed on the ceiling.</p><p>Again the silence fell between them. Torturous and full of things unsaid.</p><p>“Can we talk about something else?” Toni said, “anything else.”</p><p>“All my college applications got rejected.”</p><p>“What?” Toni said, incredulous.</p><p>Shelby turned her head, smirking. </p><p>“If God brings us to it God will bring us through it.”</p><p>“Don’t bullshit me Shelby.”</p><p>“Don’t bullshit me.”</p><p>Toni threw her pillow at Shelby's face. She palmed it away, laughing. The pillow crashed against the bedside table, knocking a picture frame off. It smashed on the floor.</p><p>“Fuck,” Toni said, scrambling for the frame. Shelby knelt down to help.</p><p>“Watch the glass,” she said, “it'll be sharp.”</p><p>Toni didn’t seem to care. The frame held a picture of her and Martha. Shelby thought they looked about eleven in the photo. Shelby grabbed Toni's wrist as she went to pick up the glass with her hands.</p><p>“I said watch the glass.”</p><p>“Let go Shelby I need to clean this up, Marty has already dealt with enough of my crap this week.”</p><p>Toni fought against Shelby's grip, desperate to fix the problem.</p><p>“Stop it!” Shelby said, “just stop.”</p><p>Toni listened. She kicked herself backwards to the far side of the mattress. Shelby carefully cleared the mess, dropping the glass shards into her empty coffee cup. Luckily it seemed to be shatterproof. When she looked back at Toni she was surprised to see her crying silently, heaving in deep breaths.</p><p>“Toni, please talk to me.”</p><p>“She used to be great you know,” Toni said, wiping her forearm across her face, “I remember when I was little she'd take me to the fair and buy me ice cream and we'd go on the Ferris wheel. We'd laugh and when we got home she'd lay her coat over me and I'd fall asleep on the couch so she’d have to carry me to my room. I just kept thinking about that in the hospital when she wouldn’t wake up. That we'd never get to have ice cream again.”</p><p>Shelby nodded. She'd do anything to go bowling again with Becca and get the cheesy nachos Becca had liked so much.</p><p>“She’s still my mom and I miss her all the time. The old her. Before all the drugs. I felt so guilty about how I treated her that night and I was so angry. Angry at her for leaving me again but mostly at myself. In the hospital I actually prayed, I figured if you were all for it then it was worth trying. It helped.”</p><p>“Thank you, for telling me all of this,” Shelby said.</p><p>“Yeah,” Toni said, tightening her ponytail, “I'm surprised you've not run away yet.”</p><p>“Have I built a reputation?”</p><p>Toni smirked. She brushed her fingertips over the photo of her and Martha. </p><p>“Nah Shelby, you’re the first person to stay, besides Marty and her family.”</p><p>The chill that had gripped Shelby all week started to thaw. She felt a familiar warmth wrap around her chest, letting her breathe freely for the first time in days.</p><p>“Your mom’s really going to be alright?”</p><p>“I think so,” Toni nodded, “maybe one day you can meet her. She’d like that. Anyway, what about these college applications?”</p><p>They talked for hours. Shelby told Toni how she felt about the college applications and that she'd applied to the University of Michigan because it felt like a better fit for her. She told Toni about how her Dad had reacted and that he had grudgingly agreed with her decision. She spoke about her younger brother and how she'd shown him a video of Toni playing basketball and that he’d convinced Shelby to play with him immediately as a direct result. </p><p>Toni told Shelby about Martha and Henry and how they'd made it official. She told her about Mrs Blackburn's offer for her to live there permanently for as long as she wanted. She told her about the new initiative she'd implemented at the pizza parlour, offering a code word for people that felt uncomfortable on dates and wanted help.</p><p>They sat on the bed, their shoulders touching and their hands intertwined, and as the room grew dark they both felt a sense of calm.</p><p>“Mrs Blackburn told me that we've all got to choose who we face our demons with,” Toni said, tracing her fingertips along Shelby's forearm, “and I'd like to choose you.”</p><p>“I'd like to choose you too,” Shelby said.</p><p>Toni shut her eyes and in minutes she'd fallen asleep. Shelby rested her head against Toni's and let herself drift off too.</p><p>//</p><p>“Shelby, are you staying for dinner?”</p><p>Shelby's eyes blinked open as she pulled herself from a dream. Her hand snatched away from Toni's in a natural reaction. She sat up straight, causing Toni to jolt awake too.</p><p>“Is that the time?” Shelby said, “yes please Martha, if that's ok?”</p><p>“Of course, I hope you two lovebirds worked it out.”</p><p>Toni's jaw dropped. She'd assumed Martha had no idea and that all their sneaking around had been fool proof. It seemed Toni had underestimated her best friend.</p><p>“Put your tongue away Toni,” Martha giggled.</p><p>“How did you know?” Toni said, stunned.</p><p>“Saying Shelby's name in your sleep was a bit of a giveaway.”</p><p>Toni went bright red. Shelby blew a raspberry, hysterical.</p><p>“You were the one that wanted to keep it a secret,” Toni said, staring at Shelby who was crying with laughter.</p><p>“It’s Martha, she’s not going to tell anyone,” Shelby said, “besides Regan knows too. It’s nice for some people to know. I'm not ashamed of it, I just don’t want my Dad to find out because of what he’d do.”</p><p>Toni had been through so many emotions over the last week that she didn’t know whether to laugh or cry so just stared at Martha and Shelby as they went back and forth between each other, each finding the other more hilarious by the second.</p><p>“I’m only joking Toni,” Martha said, patting Toni on the knee, “I just know you too well. It was obvious from the way you talked about Shelby, and you’ve just been so happy recently.”</p><p>“Marty I’m so sorry for how I acted this week,” Toni said, “I was a real dick most of the time.”</p><p>“Your mom was in the ICU, you were allowed to act out. It’s when you flip a table over someone’s stupid comment that's ridiculous.”</p><p>Toni smiled. Her mom being in the ICU had floored her completely but without Martha's support she’d have been far worse off. Now, seeing Shelby prove to her that she wasn’t planning on going anywhere, Toni felt genuinely at peace. For the first time in her life she felt like she could really trust people. </p><p>“So I was thinking, and feel free to disagree, but maybe after dinner I could go and get some donuts?”</p><p>“NO!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Just Another Game Day</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Shelby followed her friend Mark into the venue. He was wearing his favourite University of Michigan blue vest and had pasted maize yellow army paint under his eyes. Given his gait was a bit wobbly from all the pre game beer he was the epitome of a drunken college sports fan. He was cheering for the Wolverines before they’d even had chance to sit down, drawing a lot of angry looks from all the red clad supporters that surrounded them. </p><p>“USA USA USA!” he began chanting. At least it was universal. Shelby tugged at his arm, causing him to pause.</p><p>“Shut up! The game hasn’t even started!”</p><p>“We’ve got to do Michigan proud Shelby, represent!”</p><p>“I'll go get us some hot dogs.”</p><p>As she climbed the stairs back out she could still hear Mark's shouts reverberating around the arena. It made her laugh. She found the hot dog kiosk without too much trouble.</p><p>“Shelby!”</p><p>A girl Shelby recognised ran up to her. She was pretty sure she’d met her last time she’d been here.</p><p>“Oh hey,” Shelby said, searching through the beer fog to try and identify her. </p><p>“So who are you going to support?” the girl said.</p><p>“I wouldn’t want to choose, are we not all friends here.”</p><p>“How political.”</p><p>Shelby waved the girl off as she told her she'd catch her later. She collected her hot dogs and went back to join Mark. Thankfully he'd taken a seat and the hot dog shut him up for five minutes.</p><p>“I love an away day,” Mark said. Ketchup ringed his mouth and Shelby laughed as she wiped it off.</p><p>“I was saving that for later,” he said.</p><p>The lights dimmed as Mark put his hot dog wrapper beneath the seats. The familiar excitement start to build as the band started playing. The searchlights swirled around the court and the announcer came over the tannoy.</p><p>“It’s a huge evening here in the Kohl Center as the Badgers take on the Wolverines, who will come out on top!”</p><p>The roar of the crowd completely drowned Mark out as he attempted to chant for the Wolverines. The band started playing one of the school songs and the atmosphere was infectious. The announcer started introducing the Michigan players all of which Mark acted like a teenage fan girl for.</p><p>Then it was the part Shelby had been waiting for.</p><p>“And our number 3, our favourite Minnesotan Badger, Toni Shalifoeeeeee.”</p><p>Toni came sprinting from the tunnel. She pulled off her track top to reveal the red jersey underneath and patted herself on the back. She was pumping the crowd up just as she had in the little gymnasium at Hopewell High. Shelby rose to her feet, chanting Toni's name and waving manically. Toni waved at the crowd as she took her place in the line up.</p><p>The game was end to end. Michigan would take points and Wisconsin would steal them right back. Mark was on the edge of his seat, throwing himself upwards whenever the Wolverines scored a three pointer. Shelby was nervous the whole game, willing for Toni to shine. Toni didn’t need any luck though as she made basket after basket, gliding past the taller girls like a duck through water. As the game closed out Wisconsin had beaten Michigan by only four points. Mark was deflated.</p><p>“No need to sulk,” Shelby said. She was secretly thrilled.</p><p>“We were so close.”</p><p>“I’m sure you'll drown your sorrows at the Double U soon enough.”</p><p>“See you there?” Mark asked. He knew Shelby had a date to keep.</p><p>“Probably later.”</p><p>The Kohl Center emptied rapidly. Shelby stayed seated for as long as she could before she was ushered out into the cold. She headed around the side to the players exit and waited another fifteen minutes before Toni appeared.</p><p>“Wait a minute? Is that a mirage?” Toni said, wiping her eyes.</p><p>“Shut up,” Shelby replied, rolling her eyes. Toni loved to rile her up about never being able to see each other during term time. They'd been looking forward to today for months.</p><p>They gave each other a kiss before they waved goodbye to the rest of the team. They’d catch them up later in the evening.</p><p>“So where are we going?” Toni asked. In all three years they’d been together Shelby had never been so secretive.</p><p>“You'll see, just walk with me.”</p><p>They wandered through campus hand in hand underneath the street lamps. Toni grew more and more confused as they headed up Bascom Hill and down the other side. Shelby drew them to a stop outside the Washburn Observatory. The sky was clear.</p><p>“So what’s going on?” Toni asked.</p><p>Shelby dug around in her coat pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. She handed it to Toni. </p><p>“Is this- is this a permission slip?” Toni said, “and is that Bernice's signature?”</p><p>Shelby watched as the cogs starting turning in Toni's brain, fitting it all together. </p><p>“So I know it’s not a planetarium but the observatory do viewings and I thought it would be even better to see the real thing, now that you have permission?”</p><p>Toni looked up at Shelby, the puzzle falling into place. She grabbed Shelby's face, kissing her hard.</p><p>“This is amazing, I can’t believe you remembered that.”</p><p>“Yeah, well, it stuck in my head.”</p><p>“You know what, I’ve said it so many times before, but I really do love you.”</p><p>“I love you too, Toni.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thanks everybody for reading! This is where the story ends and I hope you enjoyed it. We all knew Shoni was endgame and I really appreciate you all taking the time to read my work. I hope you like the ending.</p>
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